HOW BEING SUPERFICIAL KEPT ME SINGLE!

How Being Superficial Kept Me Single
by TyKnighten  author of The Sexy Single Mommy blog!

As I look back over the course of my life and the men that I have dated and the ones that I dissed, dogged or simply ignored because I was so busy looking at the exterior that I didn't take the time, to look at his interior, I have to wonder if I would be happily married by now. Although I know this to have been a problem in my past, I am still repeating the same patterns today, at 40 years old...
Ms. Too Damn Superficial...that's me!There are men who I dated...one of which I was in love with and who I know loved me unconditionally that I broke up with because I felt that he was too old to NOT have his shit together. Many a friend told me that I he just needed the right woman behind him to get him on track. My response was always, "I'm not THAT woman!" I was so busy looking at what he DIDN'T have that I ignored all of the qualities that he DID have and many of those qualities were ones that you would want in a life partner.
After I broke up with him, I got with my son's sperm donor who HAD all of the material things that I THOUGHT a man should have but his character was fucked up!Even after breaking up with him andhaving a child, my ex and I remained friends and he was even willing to take us BOTH into his life and raise my son as his own but, true to fashion, I turned him down, still believing that he had to have XYZ in order for me to get back with him. SMH!

Years later, after I had surgery on my foot, he took the train to my house (he still didn't have a car), stayed the weekend, did my laundry, cleaned my house, cooked, rearranged my linen closet and hung out with my son and tended to me and I was STILL so stupid to be hung up on the things that he didn't have, that I still didn't give him the time of day while he was here, choosing to spend time in my room...watching TV and being dumb and ungrateful! And the crazy part of it all was that there was not ONE guy that I had dealt with that had all the shit that I thought was needed in order for me to be with them, that I could have called that would have done what my ex did. Ain't that some shit?
The moral to this story, for all of you who are out there looking for a man who has this long laundry list of what material things that you think a man should have in order for him to be THE ONE, learn from my mistakes. It's not always about what a man has or doesn't have but how well he treats you. If you can depend on him when things get rough, if he is willing to do whatever he can to make you happy, shows you that he cares and has a good character and a loving heart DON'T throw him out or discount him in order to waste your time with a bullshit ass man!The ones that are fine, nice bodies, nice cars, houses, good jobs and good dicks but are shallow as hell are NOT the ones that you want to even waste your time on because all thatAll that glitters is not gold and dicks come a dime a dozen and you still have change!

Don't ignore the man who isn't physically appealing to the eye, who may need to work out a bit or
who may be doing "bad" at the moment. Hell, no one is perfect and neither are you! Give people
a chance and believe it or not, a man who is worthy of your time will prove it to you, Just be patient and don't be superficial...like me!

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DATING DISASTER

Dear Diary,

Malik and I met at a wine festival a few months ago and never had the time to get together. We finally decided to meet over dinner and go bowling after on Saturday evening. Malik came by my house as promised to pick me up which I thought was nice. When I got in the car I was a little turned off by his conversation which lacked depth since he was a scientist and had intelligent phone convo, but it wasn't a big deal. We made it to dinner and had a good time laughing and just talking about each other's lives. After dinner we had previously discussed going bowling, but he then said that his cousin and his boys wanted to go to the club and that I should come with them. I was a little ticked off at this point, because the club was not what I had planned to do that night, plus wasn't really interested in meeting his cousin and friends, but whatever, I decided to go along with it. We had to drive about forty minutes to his cousin's house from the resturant which is where the crew was meeting, and I got out the car and proceeded to almost fall out the car because my heel got caught in the sidewalk. Malik rushed around to help me up and we laughed our way into the house.

 When we got inside there are about five of his friends and his cousin inside chillin and getting ready for the club. We lingered about thirty minutes waiting for them to get ready and then decided to head out. AS I was walking down the step to get to the front door I tripped and slid down the stairs! Yes I slipped twice! To make matters worse when I got up and looked at my shoe I noticed something brown on the bottom of it. I took the shoe off and sniffed it and smelled..yes smelled, DOO DOO! I don't know whose or what's Doo Doo it was but I immediatley threw the shoe down and yelled to Malik that something was on my shoe! He told his cousin who picked it up and smelled it and said that his little two year old daughter hadn't been there in a few weeks so it shouldn't have been her DOO. Wait what - why would your child's doo be on the bottom of the step anyway..wth! I was totally pissed and annoyed at this point so after the boys rinsed off my shoe I told Malik to take me home because the club was NOT where I needed to be that night before something worse happened!

WHEN TO MEET THE PARENTS??

I remember it like it was yesterday. My ex boyfriend and I had been dating for about two weeks, dating as in hanging out, we had not had the exclusive convo yet, when he turned to me in his car and said, “ Let’s go by my mom’s house”. “Umm are you sure about that?” was my reply. “Well she lives right down the street from where we are, and I know she cooked dinner, so let’s go eat with her.” OMG. I thought to myself! I  DO NOT want to go to this guy’s house and meet his mother! Not yet!  I mean, we just started dating two weeks ago, weren’t we jumping the gun a little?

At that time, meeting parents meant something to me; it meant that this guy was ready for something serious, something exclusive, and something permanent. While I liked him, I still wasn’t sure I was in Hey Let’s Meet our Families territory just yet. I was never the” Fall Head Over Heels” for a guy, no matter how cute, the first week kind of girl. Sure I got excited, and I wondered about potential relationship possibilities, BUT the rational part of me always cautioned me to slooow down when first meeting a guy and let him show and prove.

 As our relationship progressed and as our dinners at Mommy Dearests’ house became weekly, because we did decide to become a couple after a few months (He showed and proved!) I pondered this meeting the family early thing.

After talking to several girlfriends who had not met any family members after dating someone for months and in once case over a year, yet claimed they had a boyfriend, I wondered if meeting the family really meant anything at all, or if it meant something for some people and not others? Like did some men only bring “The One” around their family, especially their mothers, or did others just bring any and everyone around the family, so meeting them was in reality no big deal? I remembered having play brothers who brought a different girl over their family’s house for different Holidays (in the same year), and then others who never introduced anyone to their immediate family unless they were dang near ready to marry her.  This led to me to wonder, when do you introduce your children to your mate or meet theirs, if at all? I met my ex’s son early on into our relationship and I immediately fell in love with  him, but what if you are not sure you see a future with the person? Should you meet the kids at all?

What Do you Think? Does meeting a potential Mate’s parents before a Title is given indicate that he is serious about getting exclusive with you? If things are serious, how soon is too soon to meet the family? Is there such a thing?

SOUR GRAPES!

Dear Diary,

I met Stan on Facebook, yes Facebook. One day I received an inbox from him stating that he found me attractive and wanted to get to know me a little better. I really wasn't all that interested in a Facebook PenPal but when he inboxed me Hello or Bible Scriptures over the passing weeks, I politely responded back.  After a length of time had passed I informed him that I really was not interested in a PenPal since he never once asked me out on a date, and that while he seemed nice, I would be moving on.

He became haughty and promptly asked me if I was available to go out the next day for dinner. I told him that I was available and asked him where did he want to go to eat. He suggested Friday's, which kind of turned me off and I politely declined. He then said that he was open to suggestions and that I could choose a place to go eat. I suggested that we eat at a local sushi spot. He said okay.

Later on in the day I got a call from him and he said that he had a chance to look at the menu and that he was allergic to the food on it so he could not eat there. I said, "Wait, so are you allergic to ALL FOOD because there are non-seafood items on the menu, ie. chicken, etc. " He said No he wasn't but that we could go meet and walk around the National Harbor instead.  By this point, I knew dude was being cheap or was just flat broke, and my already low interest level plummeted into the negative zone . I politely declined for the second time that day and told him to have a nice evening.

After hanging up the phone I got a barrage of texts from him, professed " Christian" about how I was stuck up and how dare I decline his National Harbor invitation knowing we would have eventually gotten dinner there, and that he was appalled at me, and that was why women like me were single, blah blah blah " I just pressed DELETE, DELETE, DELETE, and went on about my life!

THE THIRST IS REAL!

 

 

Dear Diary,

 

So I met this dude a couple a weeks ago at this Happy Hour after work with a friend at Bay Street lounge. We danced and had a good time. So when he asked for my number, I gave it to him (I figure more dates the better for me, right?!?! ) Of course, he texted me that night to make sure I got home safe which I thought was nice. Then Saturday morning, he texted with a, " Hi, Good Morning," and I replied back. We went back and forth with the texting but I had to cut it short because I had to work my part-time that morning.

 

That Saturday night I wasn't feeling well at all and just wanted to stay home and watch TV.  I didn't feel like being bothered with ANYONE! First 'ol boy called me at 8:30PM - I didn't answer; then again at 10:20PM , I still did not answer,  then he texted me at 12:30AM with a "You Up" and then Sunday morning text at 9:20AM with "Good Morning." I knew right then and there I was dealing with a thristy dude. Horrible. I never replied or returned his calls. I figured if I ignore his azz he would take the hint. DEAD WRONG. He hit me up again Monday morningwith a text "Good morning, how are you?" So me being nice, I reply back," Hey Nick, Im fine how are you?" I  thought maybe I was overreacting and being too hard on dude. Give him a chance, right? DEAD WRONG. 

 

He then responds back "I am fine, send me a pic." TOO THIRSTYYYY. I was like AHHHHHHH, gotta get rid of this dude ASAP. His eagerness and lack of swag was turning me off. Then I remember reading this article on blackgirlsareeasy.com on Thristy AZZ DUDES.    In the article, it states that as a woman, if you want to get rid of a thirsty ass niggga, you can't BE NICE. The BISH...gotta come out. Of course it made sense and I knew what I had to do to get rid of this clown.

So of course I didn't reply to his weird "send me a pic" text message. The following Tuesday he hits me up and I am like WOWWWW he really doesn't get the hint.   At that point the BISH just came out on him. I texted back "STOP TEXTING and calling my phone" "I am NOT interested." And it worked. He stopped. Haven't heard from his azz since. Talk about straight comedyyyy and being thristyyy.

 

 

What would you do???

MISTAKEN IDENTITY!

Dear Diary,

I met a young lady about six months ago while out with friends. After we struck up a brief conversation I invited her out to eat at a local eatery. Before our meal arrived we exchanged small talk. She was very attractive, but after waiting for over 20 minutes our food still had not arrived. I was getting impatient and I could see that she was too. When the waitress finally arrived with our food my date was very rude and nasty to her, and it just completely turned me off. Don’t get me wrong, I hate to wait too, but how someone treats other people is a huge indication of character to me and I really did not want to be bothered with her after that. We finished dinner and went our separate ways.  We may have exchanged a few casual texts after that, but I never asked her out again.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago and some friends and I went to the bar for a drink and I see the young lady. When I saw her I smiled and waved and she gave me the ice grill. Hmm that’s strange I thought, wonder what her issue is. As the night went on, I saw her a few more times and each time she looked at me like she wanted to kill me.  Finally, I walked up to her and asked her (in a friendly way of course) what I had done to offend her and was she okay? She looked me up and down and spat out, “What did you do? So typical, after men get the ass they carry you like you never existed!”  “What? I said looking at her like she was crazy.” You do realize we NEVER slept together right??? What are you talking about?” She stopped, paused, looked at me and said she had to go to the bathroom and ran off. Of course she ducked and dodged me for the rest of the night.  All I could do was shake my head and laugh. For once, I did nothing wrong. I hope she remembers who she slept with next time!

MR. BAR GUY

Dear Diary,

This past weekend Amanda and I randomly wound up at Friday's by my house after a birthday party for drinks.We were casually sitting on the bar, talking and sipping our drinks, when across the bar a tall cutie caught my eye.  He was over six feet tall , smooth dark complexion, with a slim athletic build. I made eye contact with him and quickly looked away. During round two of our drinks, the waiter tapped me on the shoulder and slid me a piece of paper. I look at him quizzically and he says, "That guy over there" and points to tall cutie. I lifted my glass and smiled at him and he smiled back. Amanda and I were talking to some other guys on the bar so cutie stayed where he was and I decided to call him the following day.

The following day I called cutie and found out that his name is Brian. We exchanged the usual pleasantries getting to know each other convo. I, of course, asked if he was single, he said yes, he was actually divorced and the father of two. This caused  a slight red flag for ME since I have never been married or had children, but I was not going to say anything just yet. He explained to me how him and his wife met online on a whim, and married a month after meeting. They were both in the military and moved around alot for their careers. I engaged him in more small talk. He then asked me if I had children, and if I wanted any. I told him no , I didn' t have any, but wanted some one day, then silence. "Hello, Hello" I said into the phone. Are you still there? "Umm yea" he said, "but just so you know, I've had a vasectomy." " Ummm okay," I replied.

At this point I'm thinking why do I care if he had a vasectomy or not? I don't recall asking him to father my future children, but I went along with it.  "Aren't they reversible?" I ask. "Yea, something like that," he mumbled. From there the conversation went downhill and he sort of rushed me off the phone. Odd, I thought hanging up.

The next afternoon I texted Brian just to say hello. He responded hours later with a brief response. Okay I guess this guy was expecting me to marry him and want to have his babies, since he went from hot to cold after telling me about the vasectomy. I deleted his number out of my phone never to hear from him again.

What gave? Are men afraid of women who don't have children wanting to have their babies???