SHOULD I HAVE GIVEN HIM A RIDE OR NAH??

Dear Diary,

 I am a single woman dating in the DC area. I started using the Tinder app to meet different men and see what is out there. While I haven't had any bad experiences, things haven't all been roses and gum drops either. For those that care, I equate Tinder to being like a huge bar. Instead of having every random dude walking up to me trying to talk, I get to choose who I would talk to by swyping right or left. If I swype to the right, we can start talking to the left, I don't see you anymore. That's it. Tinder is nothing more, nothing less.

Recently I came across this guy who was cute. Middle eastern/Spanish looking guy and I decided to swipe right letting him know I was interested. We have been Tindering (sending messaging through the app) for awhile when he said he wanted some photos. We exchanged phone numbers and even additional photos. We were vibing and trying to meet up for our first date. Below is the transcript of us finally nailing down plans to meet up. 

HIM: I thought you wanted to hangout

ME: I did, just got a new phone so I am finally getting messages. You want to do something tonight?

HIM: Sure, what do you wanna do?

ME: I'm open, Want to just meet at a cool spot, grab a drink, appetizer or something?

HIM: Do you wanna go to a hookah bar?

ME: I'm ok either way, there is a place on U street Chi Cha Lounge or something or another, food is okay, there is also a place in Adam's Morgan too, but I have never eaten there, so you decide which one. BTW, do you smoke other things?

HIM: Okay, gotcha, only issue is my car is in the shop, so I can catch the metro to DC

ME: I can metro too, its easy for me as well. So then the one on U street is on 17th. It's Chi Cha Lounge

HIM: Got it!

ME: I am working late since I am doing a compressed work week, is 9 too late?

HIM: I think it should be fine, but I will let you know for sure soon.

PAUSE: To not make this post  go on forever, I am paraphrasing the next few texts. He reveals that he smokes green, which is totally cool with me since I smoke as well. We decide that we will also smoke some green tonight and that he will pick some up and bring it with him. He asks if he can come to my home or asks if I want to come over to his place. I tell him flat out, he will not be coming over to my house and I will not be going to his house. I let him know that we just met and I do not feel that we should be going to each other houses. So after that we continue talking about where we will meet.

HIM: Do you mind picking me up in Arlington? Its on the way to DC

ME: I am in Baltimore, lol.

HIM: Oh wow. I thought you lived near DC. Well if you don't mind picking me up I'll get two grams and smoke you out.

ME: I live near DC but work in Baltimore and I am at work now.

HIM; Oh okay. Well since you live near DC, you mind picking me up in Arlington? Since I don't have a car now?

ME: No, I am actually not comfortable with that. and I hate to sound like a bitch, but no. We can meet in DC tonight at a time that is easy for you but I can't come and pick you up.

HIM: I means its gonna help me out a bit, cause to go to DC will take about 30ish minutes through metro. You will just be helping me out a lot. I mean were gonna smoke anyway. Whats the difference in meeting in DC or Arlington, there like a couple minutes drive. I am saying it would be really nice and cool of you to do this favor for me. And in return I'll buy the weed.. I'll even pay for your gas if you want.

ME: I don't need a man to pay for weed or for my gas. I'm self sufficient for the most part. Plus I don't ever want to give off the impression that if you give me money I will do stuff. I can't be bought. At the end of the day I think you are asking for a lot on the first date. I understand the car situation, why don't we wait until you either get your car or we can both meet in a more central location

He then proceeds to continue to beg me for a ride blah blah and I am really THROUGH at this point!

WTF? Are you serious, I am thinking. Dude, didn't I just say I was in f****ing BALTIMORE, I work past the freaking airport. So you want me to drive all the way home, through the city and into Arlington to pick you up because its easy for you. WTF, because you can't take 30 minutes on public transportation to get into the city. So its okay to ask me to come over an hours, but you can't be inconvenienced or do anything? What a joke. This is your first impression and our first date and you have all these favors you want to ask. So, ladies, am I being crazy, too harsh, should I have given this dude a pass and picked him?  I can't believe he even had the nerve!!!!!!

NEW YEAR'S SURPRISE!

 

Dear Diary,

 

The classic movie "Four weddings and a funeral" teaches us that you will never know when and where you will find love it sometimes comes at the most unexpected time and places.

On this particular Friday morning the last person I was thinking about seeing was Mr. Good Guy. See, that morning I was preparing to say good-bye to my Father at his Homegoing Service and as I got my tissues ready, I got a text that said "Thinking about you." It was just what I needed and wanted. After the funeral and after spending time with family and a friends, a nap should have been in order, but something kept me up I kept looking at that text that read: "Thinking About U."

After a few hours and reflecting- I called Mr. Good Guy and said, "Can I see you?" Backstory, I had met Mr. Good Guy the week before at a New Year's Eve Hotel party with my girl. Ironically, I was about to head back up to our room when he tapped me on the shoulder and introduced himself.

He quickly said, "Yes, what time and where?" It was like he came to my rescue. I was tired of mourning, tired of crying ,and I wanted someone to comfort with me some laughs and hugs and maybe a kiss on the cheek.He picked me up told me how strong I have been this whole time. I asked him hat he wanted to do. He replied anything you want to. I knew that I needed something to sip on and my favorite drink is Jameson and Ginger Ale. It's the best with a Cigar. So we went to my favorite cigar shop and I had the managers give him a private tour. The shop was closed but my friends opened it up for us at the last minute. They helped Mr. Good Guy pick out a cigar that he would enjoy. I was purchasing my regular collection Cherry Flavor Petites.

The manager suggested we go next door to the jazz lounge to smoke there. We headed there with no problem and pulled some seats up to the bar. We talked and talked, he reached over to kiss me. We ordered the best soul food ever. I lit his cigar for him and he lit up my heart with this..." I just want to say thank you for allowing me to meet you on NYE. I had the best time and I hope there will be many more."

After a few puffs of the cigar and some drinks the bill came. I knew this place was not going to be cheap based off the food and drink prices. My old ways of 2013 crept in and I pulled out my wallet to contribute. When I tried to give some money towards the bill, he pushed my hand away at least 5 times. I was thinking... What this guy going to pay this expensive bill? I was the one who wanted to see him. It was the best thing ever.

We walked downstairs to the DJ area and shared one last drink and a kiss and a big hug.We head back to my place and we talked some more in the car. He walked me to the door of my building, then the door of my apt, then the door of my bedroom.

In the middle of the night I found myself in the bathroom throwing up from the  drinks  and crying. Why crying? I was missing my Father but guess who comes rushing to the door to check on me and get me some juice? Mr. Good Guy.Since then Mr. Good Guy and I have been hanging out just about every other day and things are going great. I went from preparing for a funeral to say goodbye to my Father to saying HELLO to someone that I could see staying in my life forever.

SUMMERTIME FINE!!

Dear Diary,

I met this guy online who was STUNNING. I'm talking 6'4, muscular build, played soccer, the perfect specimen. After chatting online for a bit, we met for our first date and as soon as he opened his mouth I could tell he was a super NERD. Which was actually even more of a turn on, since his body was  crafted by the GODS!!  After our first date I learned he was really into power animals and zodiacs. I had never heard of "power animals" before but he wasted no time enlightening me. He even emailed me a detailed moon chart. His power animal was the eagle and he would talk about it non stop on the phone and in person. When we had a date at the zoo, he wanted me to meet his parents. At first I was a little shocked since things were still in the beginning stages, but let me clarify - he was referring to the eagles in the bird exhibit as AS HIS PARENTS. Umm yea I was dumbfounded too ! Our power animal as a couple was a squirrel he told me, so on dates he would name the trees. While we would walk, he would stop and start to walk around me in circles and say "I'm orbiting you, look, I'm orbiting you!" He did this multiple times. Can you imagine a tall handsome brotha telling me he's orbiting me?? He talked non stop about Japanese anime and even told me I reminded him of his favorite character (who was a male). I started to feel like I was babysitting a child instead of dating a grown beautiful man . He often played silly jokes that were sooooo annoying. After date 4 (that's right 4 dates because he was that attractive) I couldn't take it anymore. I flinched at the thought of him touching me, it gave me the willies. I had to throw in the towel someway, somehow!

While planning our fifth date he said he wanted to  further explain my moon chart to me. Via text I told him there would be no more dates. He said he didn't understand and was confused. I just said "I cannot continue on this path romantically". I didn't know how else to put it. I soooo wanted to like him because he was so FINE. He legit had a Steve Urkel voice, and once we even went to McDonalds on a lunch date. I know commercials make splitting a 20-piece look nice but I'm a grown ass woman. Between the 20 piece and him orbiting me  I had to let this fine BROTHA GO!

TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE SOMEONE WITH CHILDREN?

As a single person without kids, the question always comes up as to whether or not one can or should date someone who has a child or children. I think that each situation is unique and one should examine themselves first and foremost to see if dating someone with kids is right for them. Let's be honest, past a certain age, almost everyone you meet, male or female, will have a child or two, so it may be inevitable at some point, however, what if you are not at that age or point yet? What do you do?

I recall dating an ex boyfriend when I was 24 who had a two year old son who lived in Texas while I was fancy, free, and childless in Maryland. While I grew to love his son when he did have occasion to visit on holidays and birthdays, I knew that my situation was not one that everyone could or should deal with. I babysat when my ex was at work, I fed,bathed, clothed and generally cared for and entertained him as I would my own two year old, however, what if I didn't want to or feel like it that day?

 I personally feel that children do not ask to be born , and all children should be shown the loving kindness that one would bestow upon their own child, so for me the decision to accept my ex's son was simple. He was my ex's so therefore an extension of him, if I loved my ex I had to love his child. I guess it didn't hurt that his son was as smart and adorable as could be; had he been a little older or a teenager, I don't know how I would have felt, however, I do know that I would have put forth the effort to make him feel loved and welcomed.  

Fast forward six years and I am still not married nor do I have children, yet after my experience with my ex I realized that I prefer NOT to date a man with kid(s) again, not even so much because of the child, but because of the baby mama drama that I went through that left a bad taste in my mouth. However, just because that is my preference now doesn't mean I will NEVER date a man with children again even though as of right now my limit is probably only someone with one child. If I had a child of my own my outlook would probably be different entirely ,and I would prefer to ONLY date men with children whose lives they were active in and we could be one big blended Brady Bunch Family! I also know I wouldn't be able to seriously date a man who showed little to no interest in my children or getting to know them/helping me once we had established a stable and monogomous relationship.

After having a recent conversation with a friend of mine who is dating a woman with two children and who is pondering if this is something he is ready for for a lifetime, since he does not have any children of his own, I have to ask when do you know if you are ready to date someone with children if you don't have any of your own?

 Is it selfish to not want to date someone with children or should you just go for it and plan on loving the child selflessly as you do your partner ?  

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND EXPERIENCES ON DATING SOMEONE WITH CHILDREN!

HOW BEING SUPERFICIAL KEPT ME SINGLE!

How Being Superficial Kept Me Single
by TyKnighten  author of The Sexy Single Mommy blog!

As I look back over the course of my life and the men that I have dated and the ones that I dissed, dogged or simply ignored because I was so busy looking at the exterior that I didn't take the time, to look at his interior, I have to wonder if I would be happily married by now. Although I know this to have been a problem in my past, I am still repeating the same patterns today, at 40 years old...
Ms. Too Damn Superficial...that's me!There are men who I dated...one of which I was in love with and who I know loved me unconditionally that I broke up with because I felt that he was too old to NOT have his shit together. Many a friend told me that I he just needed the right woman behind him to get him on track. My response was always, "I'm not THAT woman!" I was so busy looking at what he DIDN'T have that I ignored all of the qualities that he DID have and many of those qualities were ones that you would want in a life partner.
After I broke up with him, I got with my son's sperm donor who HAD all of the material things that I THOUGHT a man should have but his character was fucked up!Even after breaking up with him andhaving a child, my ex and I remained friends and he was even willing to take us BOTH into his life and raise my son as his own but, true to fashion, I turned him down, still believing that he had to have XYZ in order for me to get back with him. SMH!

Years later, after I had surgery on my foot, he took the train to my house (he still didn't have a car), stayed the weekend, did my laundry, cleaned my house, cooked, rearranged my linen closet and hung out with my son and tended to me and I was STILL so stupid to be hung up on the things that he didn't have, that I still didn't give him the time of day while he was here, choosing to spend time in my room...watching TV and being dumb and ungrateful! And the crazy part of it all was that there was not ONE guy that I had dealt with that had all the shit that I thought was needed in order for me to be with them, that I could have called that would have done what my ex did. Ain't that some shit?
The moral to this story, for all of you who are out there looking for a man who has this long laundry list of what material things that you think a man should have in order for him to be THE ONE, learn from my mistakes. It's not always about what a man has or doesn't have but how well he treats you. If you can depend on him when things get rough, if he is willing to do whatever he can to make you happy, shows you that he cares and has a good character and a loving heart DON'T throw him out or discount him in order to waste your time with a bullshit ass man!The ones that are fine, nice bodies, nice cars, houses, good jobs and good dicks but are shallow as hell are NOT the ones that you want to even waste your time on because all thatAll that glitters is not gold and dicks come a dime a dozen and you still have change!

Don't ignore the man who isn't physically appealing to the eye, who may need to work out a bit or
who may be doing "bad" at the moment. Hell, no one is perfect and neither are you! Give people
a chance and believe it or not, a man who is worthy of your time will prove it to you, Just be patient and don't be superficial...like me!

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DATING DISASTER

Dear Diary,

Malik and I met at a wine festival a few months ago and never had the time to get together. We finally decided to meet over dinner and go bowling after on Saturday evening. Malik came by my house as promised to pick me up which I thought was nice. When I got in the car I was a little turned off by his conversation which lacked depth since he was a scientist and had intelligent phone convo, but it wasn't a big deal. We made it to dinner and had a good time laughing and just talking about each other's lives. After dinner we had previously discussed going bowling, but he then said that his cousin and his boys wanted to go to the club and that I should come with them. I was a little ticked off at this point, because the club was not what I had planned to do that night, plus wasn't really interested in meeting his cousin and friends, but whatever, I decided to go along with it. We had to drive about forty minutes to his cousin's house from the resturant which is where the crew was meeting, and I got out the car and proceeded to almost fall out the car because my heel got caught in the sidewalk. Malik rushed around to help me up and we laughed our way into the house.

 When we got inside there are about five of his friends and his cousin inside chillin and getting ready for the club. We lingered about thirty minutes waiting for them to get ready and then decided to head out. AS I was walking down the step to get to the front door I tripped and slid down the stairs! Yes I slipped twice! To make matters worse when I got up and looked at my shoe I noticed something brown on the bottom of it. I took the shoe off and sniffed it and smelled..yes smelled, DOO DOO! I don't know whose or what's Doo Doo it was but I immediatley threw the shoe down and yelled to Malik that something was on my shoe! He told his cousin who picked it up and smelled it and said that his little two year old daughter hadn't been there in a few weeks so it shouldn't have been her DOO. Wait what - why would your child's doo be on the bottom of the step anyway..wth! I was totally pissed and annoyed at this point so after the boys rinsed off my shoe I told Malik to take me home because the club was NOT where I needed to be that night before something worse happened!

WHEN TO MEET THE PARENTS??

I remember it like it was yesterday. My ex boyfriend and I had been dating for about two weeks, dating as in hanging out, we had not had the exclusive convo yet, when he turned to me in his car and said, “ Let’s go by my mom’s house”. “Umm are you sure about that?” was my reply. “Well she lives right down the street from where we are, and I know she cooked dinner, so let’s go eat with her.” OMG. I thought to myself! I  DO NOT want to go to this guy’s house and meet his mother! Not yet!  I mean, we just started dating two weeks ago, weren’t we jumping the gun a little?

At that time, meeting parents meant something to me; it meant that this guy was ready for something serious, something exclusive, and something permanent. While I liked him, I still wasn’t sure I was in Hey Let’s Meet our Families territory just yet. I was never the” Fall Head Over Heels” for a guy, no matter how cute, the first week kind of girl. Sure I got excited, and I wondered about potential relationship possibilities, BUT the rational part of me always cautioned me to slooow down when first meeting a guy and let him show and prove.

 As our relationship progressed and as our dinners at Mommy Dearests’ house became weekly, because we did decide to become a couple after a few months (He showed and proved!) I pondered this meeting the family early thing.

After talking to several girlfriends who had not met any family members after dating someone for months and in once case over a year, yet claimed they had a boyfriend, I wondered if meeting the family really meant anything at all, or if it meant something for some people and not others? Like did some men only bring “The One” around their family, especially their mothers, or did others just bring any and everyone around the family, so meeting them was in reality no big deal? I remembered having play brothers who brought a different girl over their family’s house for different Holidays (in the same year), and then others who never introduced anyone to their immediate family unless they were dang near ready to marry her.  This led to me to wonder, when do you introduce your children to your mate or meet theirs, if at all? I met my ex’s son early on into our relationship and I immediately fell in love with  him, but what if you are not sure you see a future with the person? Should you meet the kids at all?

What Do you Think? Does meeting a potential Mate’s parents before a Title is given indicate that he is serious about getting exclusive with you? If things are serious, how soon is too soon to meet the family? Is there such a thing?