One night, I was out with my girls, when I noticed that I received a message on Facebook. Normally, I don’t pay much attention to my Facebook messages, but the subject line caught my attention, and it said: “I think we have met before.WOW, you are beautiful”. So, I read the message, to see who it was and there was a very nice message from a guy who claims to have met me before through a mutual friend. We started to converse back and forth and eventually exchanged numbers. We had great conversations and a lot of mutual friends in common. Through our conversations, I found out that he didn’t have any children, a great job, and an even better personality. I thought to myself, why is such a great guy single? There has to be something wrong. After three weeks of conversing, we decided to go on a date.
I have to admit, that my very first mistake with going out with this guy was deciding to ride in a car with him. Normally, I drive my own car just in case he turns out to be crazy, or just a plain asshole. However, I felt comfortable enough to ride with him and I didn’t think it would be a big deal. Now, this guy was very, very sexy. He was dressed really clean, had a very nice truck and I thought to myself; WOW, this is a change from some of the guys that I have met previously.
So, we left from our meeting spot and he kept telling me that he needed to find a gift for his dad’s birthday. After about twenty minutes of driving around, we pulled over to a gas station. This particular station was full service, so the attendee walks up to the truck and says” Welcome to Swifty, how much would you like to put in your vehicle?” My date replies: “$5.00”. Now, both the attendant and I have confused looks on our face because we can’t understand why anyone would put $5.00 in their truck, when gas is nearly $4.00 a gallon. The attendee who apparently thought that he misunderstood repeated the question, “I apologize sir, did you say $25.00?” My date looked at him and swiftly replied:”No, $5.00.” I couldn’t help but to chuckle underneath my breath because that was so bizarre to me. Who in the hell puts $5.00 in a big GMC Yukon that is past E? After that, I knew that it was going to be a shitty date. I had no idea, just how shitty it would be.
After we left the gas station, we pulled up to the liquor store. My date jumps out and grabs a six pack of beer. Now, I was extremely confused at this point because I couldn’t understand why he was buying beer when we were on our way to dinner. Once he got back in the car, I asked him what the beer was for. He says: “Duh, it’s my dad’s birthday gift.” I thought to myself, WTF? Who buys their dad a six pack of beer for their birthday?” So we left the liquor store and we kept going back and forth about where we should eat. We were so involved in the conversation, that I didn’t even notice that we had taken a detour and ended up driving in some neighborhood and then he parked the car. At this point I am getting pissed off and I said:” where are we going?” He says, I am dropping by my house to put this beer in the freezer and then we can go to dinner. I rolled my eyes and pulled my cell phone out of my car to call one of my girls.
At this point, I was pissed off because I felt all of this other ish should have been taken care of before going out with me. I called my girl to tell her about the $5.00 gas and the six pack of beer birthday gift. I was sitting in the car for about twenty five minutes when I realized how long I had been waiting on him. I called him for about five minutes to see what he was doing. He finally came back outside and I was extremely upset and I said, “What the *beep* were you doing? How in the hell are you going to just leave me in the car for twenty five minutes” This ninja says, with a straight face “My fault, I had to take a shit and I didn’t want to tell you that”. I said “Are you serious?” He said yeah, I mean what’s the problem?” At this point I was thinking, should I just go home and say eff this date or do I deserve a free meal at this point?” Like a dummy, I decided to get my meal because at this point he was paying for every damn thing for me having to deal with this all of this buffoonery. And then, halfway to the restaurant, he says, can we go back and get your car so you can drive; this truck is a damn gas guzzler. It is already back on E. I said hell no, we are not getting my car, it’s not a gas guzzler, of course you will only be able to drive two miles up the street when you put $5.00 in a big ass truck.
We arrived at the restaurant and ish continued to go downhill. The first ten minutes he looked around for an outlet for his cell phone, he was disrespectful to the waitress, and to make matters worse, Can y’all believe this ninja asked me to pay for my own meal? I said; you better get outta here. You asked me out. I ain’t paying for ish. We got back to the car and I couldn’t wait to get home. This dude had the nerve to say, are you coming home with me? I kindly said, “Now explain to me why I would want to go home with a ninja with boo boo all in his ass. I need you, Shitty Shawn, to take me back to my car immediately.”
I never heard from him again. Thank goodness.
