So I finally decided to give this online dating thing a try. I consider myself an attractive, friendly girl, so at this point what do I have to lose?? I created an account on blackpeoplemeet.com and was instantly tagged by several guys. After going through a few of their profiles,one in particular caught my eye. He was a single black man in his early thirties, pretty attractive and well dressed from his profile pic. We set a date shortly after our first “internet conversation”. Our first date was at a Comedy Show and Mr. Man was as attractive in person as he was online. He was very sweet,funny, down to earth,and just seemed like an overall nice guy. At the end of the night we agreed to hang out again the following week.
The following week we went on a date to Rosa Mexicano and had just as nice a time as we did the week before.Conversation flowed, he explained to me that he was looking to settle down and potentially start a family soon. He was doing well in his career and was financially sound. Again, we agreed to go out again and had a marvelous time that time, and the time after that and the time after that.So now at this point, the man has proven to be pretty consistent, treats me well, and is funny and smart with good conversation. Since he passed all preliminary "tests", by date 13 a sista is ready to get “some”. I decide to speed things along and hint to Mr. Man that we can chill in his house one evening instead of going out. He says okay! So we go to his house one night to watch movies and that’s what we did, Watch movies! He leaned in to kiss me and it was okay, nothing to write home about, but again no action. SO I go home like hmm okay…still frustrated.
The following night we’re talking on the phone and I tell him how my back hurts and I needed a massage (which was true). He told me how he gives great massages and that he’ll give me one! So I quickly agree to getting a massage from him the following weekend. I go to his house and lay on his bed stomach down shirt OFF, and he proceeds to give me the BEST MASSAGE of my life! At this point I’m super turned on and can’t wait for what’s next;when he gets off of me and says , “ Man I hate Meet the Browns, I mean that show is just soo stupid!” Okay PAUSE. Here I am lying in your bed half naked and you’re talking about MEET THE BROWNS??? FML. I proceed to listen to his MR. Brown ratings and character impersonations for the next half hour before I fall asleep with my clothes on and hornier than a bitch in heat!!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
It was towards the end of the night at my girl's birthday party and I had just finished wobbling and "backing it up" on no one in particular,when suddenly I spilled my drink on the floor. When I looked up I saw this six foot six caramel cutie looking down on me with amusement. He was standing on the bar, so he immediately ordered me another drink.I thanked him profusely, shaking my head that I even made that move in front of him. We proceeded to talk and flirt with one another, until his friend grabbed him and said it was time for them to head to the W. We exchanged numbers and him and his boy left and that was that.
He called me and texted me the next day and we agreed to go on a “date” the following week when I was free. We met at a new restaurant that was fairly close to both of our houses on the evening of the date. He was as I remembered him, but even taller. We opted to sit on the couches in the restaurant so he could have some leg room instead of at the regular table and just talked and laughed. I could tell he was kind of the shy, quiet type, however, my gregarious personality had him opening up to me by the end of the night. He asked when my last relationship was so I told him, and then of course I asked him when his last one was. He then proceeded to PULL OUT HIS PHONE AND LOOK IN THE CALENDAR. “Umm what are you doing?” I ask. He’s like,” I’m trying to figure out when I broke up with my ex.” At this point I’m like what in the world??? So homeboy scrolls through the month of August and stops at August 14th which was only two weeks ago and goes, "Oh it ended that weekend!" I’m like, "Umm really so you’ve been single for two weeks?" He responds with,"Yea I guess you could say that." At this point I’m just laughing to myself like how corny is this man to pull out a calendar for 1. And for 2. It was just two weeks ago,you could’ve just said that!! SMH! Me and my big mouth proceed to ask him how long he was in the relationship for, and he said do you really want to know, and I’m like yea just tell me ( I hate when people ask me this) thinking he’s about to say ten years or something. "A Month," he says. “A MONTH! What?” I ask? Okay PAUSE! You mean to tell me you were with this girl for a “month” and classify it as a relationship and then you are telling me this!?? I quickly gulp down my drink and am thinking LORD what is this man about???
He then proceeds to tell me he has never been in a relationship for over four months. Wait. Stop the presses again! He said his last “girlfriend” asked him out and he said yes even though he didn’t really want to, and the young lady prior to her revealed she had bi-polar and ADHD so he headed for the hills! I burst out lauhging so hard tears were rolling down my cheeks.I know he has a young child so I ask how long he was with her mother, he said about four months or so, and she found out she was pregnant two weeks after they broke up. WHOA!! This is all something out of a comedy show at this point- The episode where they tell you what NOT to reveal on a first date! He then proceeds to ask me what I am looking for relationship wise and I quickly respond back with “NOTHING”!!
What kind of fool would I be to take a thirty year old man seriously who has never been in a serious relationship?? The crazy part is he was so nice and such a gentlemen and I am all for working with a “brotha” but I’m not about to be the next month long driveby girlfriend!
I guess I’ll just be the one that got away!
He called me and texted me the next day and we agreed to go on a “date” the following week when I was free. We met at a new restaurant that was fairly close to both of our houses on the evening of the date. He was as I remembered him, but even taller. We opted to sit on the couches in the restaurant so he could have some leg room instead of at the regular table and just talked and laughed. I could tell he was kind of the shy, quiet type, however, my gregarious personality had him opening up to me by the end of the night. He asked when my last relationship was so I told him, and then of course I asked him when his last one was. He then proceeded to PULL OUT HIS PHONE AND LOOK IN THE CALENDAR. “Umm what are you doing?” I ask. He’s like,” I’m trying to figure out when I broke up with my ex.” At this point I’m like what in the world??? So homeboy scrolls through the month of August and stops at August 14th which was only two weeks ago and goes, "Oh it ended that weekend!" I’m like, "Umm really so you’ve been single for two weeks?" He responds with,"Yea I guess you could say that." At this point I’m just laughing to myself like how corny is this man to pull out a calendar for 1. And for 2. It was just two weeks ago,you could’ve just said that!! SMH! Me and my big mouth proceed to ask him how long he was in the relationship for, and he said do you really want to know, and I’m like yea just tell me ( I hate when people ask me this) thinking he’s about to say ten years or something. "A Month," he says. “A MONTH! What?” I ask? Okay PAUSE! You mean to tell me you were with this girl for a “month” and classify it as a relationship and then you are telling me this!?? I quickly gulp down my drink and am thinking LORD what is this man about???
He then proceeds to tell me he has never been in a relationship for over four months. Wait. Stop the presses again! He said his last “girlfriend” asked him out and he said yes even though he didn’t really want to, and the young lady prior to her revealed she had bi-polar and ADHD so he headed for the hills! I burst out lauhging so hard tears were rolling down my cheeks.I know he has a young child so I ask how long he was with her mother, he said about four months or so, and she found out she was pregnant two weeks after they broke up. WHOA!! This is all something out of a comedy show at this point- The episode where they tell you what NOT to reveal on a first date! He then proceeds to ask me what I am looking for relationship wise and I quickly respond back with “NOTHING”!!
What kind of fool would I be to take a thirty year old man seriously who has never been in a serious relationship?? The crazy part is he was so nice and such a gentlemen and I am all for working with a “brotha” but I’m not about to be the next month long driveby girlfriend!
I guess I’ll just be the one that got away!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
FREAKS COME OUT AT NIGHT!
I recently met this guy who was heavily involved in local politics (outside of the DC area). We went on a few dates, out to dinner, to NYC's Summer Jam concert (VIP/box seats), movies, etc. One night after a late night movie in New York he asks me if I would like to experience the “real” NYC. I had no clue what the "real" NYC could be, but, I was down. So, we drive to some non-descript building in Midtown - no signs, no crowded line, no doorman. I’m thinking okay, if this is the “real” NYC so far so good! We step up to the door and he rings a buzzer that I did not even notice was there. We step into the doorway and he pays a man $160 and gives him some fake names. At this point I'm thinking, Man this is some exclusive exclusive club! I didn't even have on club gear. But, little did I know, I wouldn't need it.
We enter the club and people everywhere are butt ass "NAKED." We get to a room, undress and put towels around us. I noticed that he peeked over at me while I was naked...should have turned and walked out then, but of course I didn't, out of curiosity maybe. Then we start walking around and in these open rooms are people openly having sex! Inside I'm freaking out hoping that he doesn't expect me to do any of the freaky shit we were witnessing! As we walk around he's feeling on my ass and I'm thinking "Get the hell off, you freaky ass!" But, I calmly smile and keep walking around.
After about an hour of watching people going at it and giving each other head I said, "Let's go!" I have to admit I always tossed around having sex in an open place with people watching, but this shit was waaay too freaky. They looked like high sex fiends to me. Needless to say I stopped talking to his ass after that.
We enter the club and people everywhere are butt ass "NAKED." We get to a room, undress and put towels around us. I noticed that he peeked over at me while I was naked...should have turned and walked out then, but of course I didn't, out of curiosity maybe. Then we start walking around and in these open rooms are people openly having sex! Inside I'm freaking out hoping that he doesn't expect me to do any of the freaky shit we were witnessing! As we walk around he's feeling on my ass and I'm thinking "Get the hell off, you freaky ass!" But, I calmly smile and keep walking around.
After about an hour of watching people going at it and giving each other head I said, "Let's go!" I have to admit I always tossed around having sex in an open place with people watching, but this shit was waaay too freaky. They looked like high sex fiends to me. Needless to say I stopped talking to his ass after that.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
THE SHTTE** DATE EVER!!
One night, I was out with my girls, when I noticed that I received a message on Facebook. Normally, I don’t pay much attention to my Facebook messages, but the subject line caught my attention, and it said: “I think we have met before.WOW, you are beautiful”. So, I read the message, to see who it was and there was a very nice message from a guy who claims to have met me before through a mutual friend. We started to converse back and forth and eventually exchanged numbers. We had great conversations and a lot of mutual friends in common. Through our conversations, I found out that he didn’t have any children, a great job, and an even better personality. I thought to myself, why is such a great guy single? There has to be something wrong. After three weeks of conversing, we decided to go on a date.
I have to admit, that my very first mistake with going out with this guy was deciding to ride in a car with him. Normally, I drive my own car just in case he turns out to be crazy, or just a plain asshole. However, I felt comfortable enough to ride with him and I didn’t think it would be a big deal. Now, this guy was very, very sexy. He was dressed really clean, had a very nice truck and I thought to myself; WOW, this is a change from some of the guys that I have met previously.
So, we left from our meeting spot and he kept telling me that he needed to find a gift for his dad’s birthday. After about twenty minutes of driving around, we pulled over to a gas station. This particular station was full service, so the attendee walks up to the truck and says” Welcome to Swifty, how much would you like to put in your vehicle?” My date replies: “$5.00”. Now, both the attendant and I have confused looks on our face because we can’t understand why anyone would put $5.00 in their truck, when gas is nearly $4.00 a gallon. The attendee who apparently thought that he misunderstood repeated the question, “I apologize sir, did you say $25.00?” My date looked at him and swiftly replied:”No, $5.00.” I couldn’t help but to chuckle underneath my breath because that was so bizarre to me. Who in the hell puts $5.00 in a big GMC Yukon that is past E? After that, I knew that it was going to be a shitty date. I had no idea, just how shitty it would be.
After we left the gas station, we pulled up to the liquor store. My date jumps out and grabs a six pack of beer. Now, I was extremely confused at this point because I couldn’t understand why he was buying beer when we were on our way to dinner. Once he got back in the car, I asked him what the beer was for. He says: “Duh, it’s my dad’s birthday gift.” I thought to myself, WTF? Who buys their dad a six pack of beer for their birthday?” So we left the liquor store and we kept going back and forth about where we should eat. We were so involved in the conversation, that I didn’t even notice that we had taken a detour and ended up driving in some neighborhood and then he parked the car. At this point I am getting pissed off and I said:” where are we going?” He says, I am dropping by my house to put this beer in the freezer and then we can go to dinner. I rolled my eyes and pulled my cell phone out of my car to call one of my girls.
At this point, I was pissed off because I felt all of this other ish should have been taken care of before going out with me. I called my girl to tell her about the $5.00 gas and the six pack of beer birthday gift. I was sitting in the car for about twenty five minutes when I realized how long I had been waiting on him. I called him for about five minutes to see what he was doing. He finally came back outside and I was extremely upset and I said, “What the *beep* were you doing? How in the hell are you going to just leave me in the car for twenty five minutes” This ninja says, with a straight face “My fault, I had to take a shit and I didn’t want to tell you that”. I said “Are you serious?” He said yeah, I mean what’s the problem?” At this point I was thinking, should I just go home and say eff this date or do I deserve a free meal at this point?” Like a dummy, I decided to get my meal because at this point he was paying for every damn thing for me having to deal with this all of this buffoonery. And then, halfway to the restaurant, he says, can we go back and get your car so you can drive; this truck is a damn gas guzzler. It is already back on E. I said hell no, we are not getting my car, it’s not a gas guzzler, of course you will only be able to drive two miles up the street when you put $5.00 in a big ass truck.
We arrived at the restaurant and ish continued to go downhill. The first ten minutes he looked around for an outlet for his cell phone, he was disrespectful to the waitress, and to make matters worse, Can y’all believe this ninja asked me to pay for my own meal? I said; you better get outta here. You asked me out. I ain’t paying for ish. We got back to the car and I couldn’t wait to get home. This dude had the nerve to say, are you coming home with me? I kindly said, “Now explain to me why I would want to go home with a ninja with boo boo all in his ass. I need you, Shitty Shawn, to take me back to my car immediately.”
I never heard from him again. Thank goodness.
I have to admit, that my very first mistake with going out with this guy was deciding to ride in a car with him. Normally, I drive my own car just in case he turns out to be crazy, or just a plain asshole. However, I felt comfortable enough to ride with him and I didn’t think it would be a big deal. Now, this guy was very, very sexy. He was dressed really clean, had a very nice truck and I thought to myself; WOW, this is a change from some of the guys that I have met previously.
So, we left from our meeting spot and he kept telling me that he needed to find a gift for his dad’s birthday. After about twenty minutes of driving around, we pulled over to a gas station. This particular station was full service, so the attendee walks up to the truck and says” Welcome to Swifty, how much would you like to put in your vehicle?” My date replies: “$5.00”. Now, both the attendant and I have confused looks on our face because we can’t understand why anyone would put $5.00 in their truck, when gas is nearly $4.00 a gallon. The attendee who apparently thought that he misunderstood repeated the question, “I apologize sir, did you say $25.00?” My date looked at him and swiftly replied:”No, $5.00.” I couldn’t help but to chuckle underneath my breath because that was so bizarre to me. Who in the hell puts $5.00 in a big GMC Yukon that is past E? After that, I knew that it was going to be a shitty date. I had no idea, just how shitty it would be.
After we left the gas station, we pulled up to the liquor store. My date jumps out and grabs a six pack of beer. Now, I was extremely confused at this point because I couldn’t understand why he was buying beer when we were on our way to dinner. Once he got back in the car, I asked him what the beer was for. He says: “Duh, it’s my dad’s birthday gift.” I thought to myself, WTF? Who buys their dad a six pack of beer for their birthday?” So we left the liquor store and we kept going back and forth about where we should eat. We were so involved in the conversation, that I didn’t even notice that we had taken a detour and ended up driving in some neighborhood and then he parked the car. At this point I am getting pissed off and I said:” where are we going?” He says, I am dropping by my house to put this beer in the freezer and then we can go to dinner. I rolled my eyes and pulled my cell phone out of my car to call one of my girls.
At this point, I was pissed off because I felt all of this other ish should have been taken care of before going out with me. I called my girl to tell her about the $5.00 gas and the six pack of beer birthday gift. I was sitting in the car for about twenty five minutes when I realized how long I had been waiting on him. I called him for about five minutes to see what he was doing. He finally came back outside and I was extremely upset and I said, “What the *beep* were you doing? How in the hell are you going to just leave me in the car for twenty five minutes” This ninja says, with a straight face “My fault, I had to take a shit and I didn’t want to tell you that”. I said “Are you serious?” He said yeah, I mean what’s the problem?” At this point I was thinking, should I just go home and say eff this date or do I deserve a free meal at this point?” Like a dummy, I decided to get my meal because at this point he was paying for every damn thing for me having to deal with this all of this buffoonery. And then, halfway to the restaurant, he says, can we go back and get your car so you can drive; this truck is a damn gas guzzler. It is already back on E. I said hell no, we are not getting my car, it’s not a gas guzzler, of course you will only be able to drive two miles up the street when you put $5.00 in a big ass truck.
We arrived at the restaurant and ish continued to go downhill. The first ten minutes he looked around for an outlet for his cell phone, he was disrespectful to the waitress, and to make matters worse, Can y’all believe this ninja asked me to pay for my own meal? I said; you better get outta here. You asked me out. I ain’t paying for ish. We got back to the car and I couldn’t wait to get home. This dude had the nerve to say, are you coming home with me? I kindly said, “Now explain to me why I would want to go home with a ninja with boo boo all in his ass. I need you, Shitty Shawn, to take me back to my car immediately.”
I never heard from him again. Thank goodness.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
THE COOKOUT
So B and I have been good friends for a while now. We had this weird chemistry/connection thing going on where we flirt with one another allllll the time, kiss here and there, hang out all the time, all my friends know him and his friends know me, but we never really took it there took it there. Anytime he has an event or get together he always invites me, so one summer day I get a call from Tony who is a mutual acquaintance, and he asks if I’m going to B’s cookout? What cookout I’m thinking in my mind? "Umm the big one B has every summer," he says "Um yea I’ll be there," I tell Tony hanging up.
I quicky text B like dag you’re having a cookout and I don’t get an invite? What’s up? He immediately calls me and is like, " Oh no I could’ve sworn so and so facebooked you the invite." Mind you 1. B doesn’t even have a Facebook page himself, 2. I’m not even friends with so and so on Facebook or in real life so WTF????? "Naw he didn’t," I reply. "Why didn’t you tell me yourself?" I ask. "Oh I thought I did babes. Of course you are invited!" Pause. (We JUST spoke the night before and he asked me what I was doing this day, never mentioning this cookout! Guess I’m boo boo the fool!!) "Matter of fact, you better come," he says!! "No no if u don’t want me there just tell me," I reply. "Girl stop playing.You better be there!"
"Okay, I’ll see you tonight," I say and hang up!
I immediately call my bestie and am like gurrrl we gotta go to B’s house for his secret cookout tonight. HE’s definitely hiding something and I have a feeling I know what it is!! “ We in there,” says bestie hanging up the phone!
That night we roll up to B’s house..the place is packed ..cars everywhere we have to park two blocks over. We walk up to the house all the homies and then some are there. "Hey , hey," we say to everyone making our way inside the backyard. We’re chilling mingling still see no signs of B , but it is his house so we’ll see him eventually. "I’m hungry," bestie says "let’s go to the kitchen and get something to eat since all the food out here is cold." So we make our way to the kitchen and are fixing our plates when I hear B laughing as he walks into the kitchen. He stops dead in his tracks and is looking like a deer in highlights. "Hey,"I say "Heeey," he says awkwardly. I look behind him and there she is..WIFEY I guess because she is holding his hand and pressed into his back for dear life. Inside I'm laughing like AHA this is why I didn’t get the invite. He barely even acknowledges bestie who he is very cool with any other time , probably becayse he knows she tells it like it is. "You not gonna speak B," bestie asks? "Oh hey hun," he says still standing stock still. Mind you any other time I would’ve gotten a hug and kiss and bestie would’ve gotten a hug by now. "Okay well the fires under this food are out and it's cold," she says. Wifey or whoever she is just stands there like she is attached to this mans hip and is completely oblivious to the rest of us. If she would get off his back and light this fire we may have some warm food I'm thinking .SMH. "Okay" he says and walks out the door holding hands with wifey and wifey traiking behind him like a puppy dog. "WTF" bestie aks . "You know what it is," I say.
Not sure why he felt he had to “hide” his relationship status when we're not kickin it that hard ..SMH. Of course the next day I get a call apologizing for him not being able to spend time with me because it was so much going on… blah blah.."Do you boo we're all grown, no need to explain," I calmy reply.
"Matter of fact I'm going to take you out to dinner this week," he says. "Sure, why not?" I reply. "Long as dining with me doesn’t get you in trouble!! "
I quicky text B like dag you’re having a cookout and I don’t get an invite? What’s up? He immediately calls me and is like, " Oh no I could’ve sworn so and so facebooked you the invite." Mind you 1. B doesn’t even have a Facebook page himself, 2. I’m not even friends with so and so on Facebook or in real life so WTF????? "Naw he didn’t," I reply. "Why didn’t you tell me yourself?" I ask. "Oh I thought I did babes. Of course you are invited!" Pause. (We JUST spoke the night before and he asked me what I was doing this day, never mentioning this cookout! Guess I’m boo boo the fool!!) "Matter of fact, you better come," he says!! "No no if u don’t want me there just tell me," I reply. "Girl stop playing.You better be there!"
"Okay, I’ll see you tonight," I say and hang up!
I immediately call my bestie and am like gurrrl we gotta go to B’s house for his secret cookout tonight. HE’s definitely hiding something and I have a feeling I know what it is!! “ We in there,” says bestie hanging up the phone!
That night we roll up to B’s house..the place is packed ..cars everywhere we have to park two blocks over. We walk up to the house all the homies and then some are there. "Hey , hey," we say to everyone making our way inside the backyard. We’re chilling mingling still see no signs of B , but it is his house so we’ll see him eventually. "I’m hungry," bestie says "let’s go to the kitchen and get something to eat since all the food out here is cold." So we make our way to the kitchen and are fixing our plates when I hear B laughing as he walks into the kitchen. He stops dead in his tracks and is looking like a deer in highlights. "Hey,"I say "Heeey," he says awkwardly. I look behind him and there she is..WIFEY I guess because she is holding his hand and pressed into his back for dear life. Inside I'm laughing like AHA this is why I didn’t get the invite. He barely even acknowledges bestie who he is very cool with any other time , probably becayse he knows she tells it like it is. "You not gonna speak B," bestie asks? "Oh hey hun," he says still standing stock still. Mind you any other time I would’ve gotten a hug and kiss and bestie would’ve gotten a hug by now. "Okay well the fires under this food are out and it's cold," she says. Wifey or whoever she is just stands there like she is attached to this mans hip and is completely oblivious to the rest of us. If she would get off his back and light this fire we may have some warm food I'm thinking .SMH. "Okay" he says and walks out the door holding hands with wifey and wifey traiking behind him like a puppy dog. "WTF" bestie aks . "You know what it is," I say.
Not sure why he felt he had to “hide” his relationship status when we're not kickin it that hard ..SMH. Of course the next day I get a call apologizing for him not being able to spend time with me because it was so much going on… blah blah.."Do you boo we're all grown, no need to explain," I calmy reply.
"Matter of fact I'm going to take you out to dinner this week," he says. "Sure, why not?" I reply. "Long as dining with me doesn’t get you in trouble!! "
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
WHEN IT ALL FALLS DOWN!
It was the night of the Trey Songz and Usher concert and it seemed like everybody and their mama was going to this concert, except me!! Now at first I didn’t want to go, but after the tenth text from someone asking if I was going I was mad I didn’t purchase tickets! Around 4:55 pm just as I’m getting ready to leave the office I receive yet another text asking if I was going to the show. Well this time the text is from Mr. New Guy whom I met at a party a few weeks ago. Hey are you going to the show he asks?? Unfortunately not, I reply. I really wanted to go but didn’t get tickets. Frowny face! Aww that’s too bad, he responds, because I’m going up there! Well have fun,I replied dejectedly packing my little basgs and heading out. We hang up the phone and I walk out of the office. Not even ten minutes after I hang up Mr. New Guy calls back and is like hey I have a suite so if you want to come to the show you are more than welcome. Oh my gosh are you serious?? I ask. Yea he says. Matter of fact just meet me up there I’ll leave the tickets at Will Call. Okay I say hanging up. Aww how sweet of him are the first thoughts running through my head. Then I slow down and say hold up. He’s leaving the tickets at Will Call? ??? What if he’s lying and has me on a wild goose chase! This has happened once before where a guy told me he had some exclusive tickets to an Inauguration event and me being pressed to see the newly elected President got out of my warm bed on a cold winter morning and rushed to the Convention Center all to have the guy tell me Oops my bad I wasn’t able to get the tickets but still wanted to see you. But I digress!
Okay get it together I say rushing home. Lord what am I going to wear??? I find some sexy black number and hightail myself down to the Verizon Center before my good fortune runs out! I get there and sure enough my tickets are at Will Call! Whew so glad I don’t have to cuss a ninja out tonight! I knock on the door not knowing what the heck I’m walking into and Mr. Nice Guy answers. The suite is pretty packed, a couple of Wizards players and some chicks. Of course as soon as I get in Trey is just getting off the stage, but no biggie, I’ve seen him before. At this point I’m starving since I rushed from work and didn’t get a chance to eat. Mr. New Guy offers me some wings and a drink, Sure I say gobbling that food down..lol. By the time Usher comes onto the stage I’m on drink number two feeling good. Mr. New Guy and I are vibing, laughing, joking, everyone in the suite is singing and dancing to Ursh. Again I’m feeling great at this point.
No sooner had Usher left the stage and most of the people in the suite left…NO CAN’T BE… I feel my stomach rumbling and belllcccccccccccccccccchhhhhh up comes all of my drink and food! Wait this cant be happeing I think doubled over on the floor..blllllllllllllllllllllllllwwww out comes more! Oh no is she alright some girl screams! No No not me I say and blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh okay now this is serious! I am in the middle of a suite with a man I barley know..Wizards players and I’m puking my guts up! Floor open up and swallow me whole now please!! Hey babe come to the bathroom and get it out Mr. New Guy says rubbing my back. Somehow we make it to the bathroom where I finish handling my business..smh. OMG I’m sooo sorry I say getting up on wobbly legs. It’s okay sweetheart don’t worry about it Mr. New Guy says grabbing me and helping me walk out the suite and down the stairs to the garage. Why me I say whhhhyyyyyyyyyy? No sooner had he seated me in the car I throw up again on the side of the car..yep right in the garage! Okay someone is playing a cruel cruel joke on me. To make matters worse I was supposed to meet my girls after the show and my phone has blacked out for some reason and won’t come back on. In the midst of my gutfest MR. New Guy is being the perfect nice guy rubbing my back telling me it’s going to be okay. He asks me where I parked and drives me to my car. Are you sure you can drive home he asks. I’m sure I say. Last thing I need is to be passed out in some strange man’s home I don’t know inebriated and sick as a dog! It’s bad enough he even sees me in this condition on our second encounter!
Somehow, someway I managed to make my way home. And guess what, Mr. New Guy called the next day to ask me on another date!
Okay get it together I say rushing home. Lord what am I going to wear??? I find some sexy black number and hightail myself down to the Verizon Center before my good fortune runs out! I get there and sure enough my tickets are at Will Call! Whew so glad I don’t have to cuss a ninja out tonight! I knock on the door not knowing what the heck I’m walking into and Mr. Nice Guy answers. The suite is pretty packed, a couple of Wizards players and some chicks. Of course as soon as I get in Trey is just getting off the stage, but no biggie, I’ve seen him before. At this point I’m starving since I rushed from work and didn’t get a chance to eat. Mr. New Guy offers me some wings and a drink, Sure I say gobbling that food down..lol. By the time Usher comes onto the stage I’m on drink number two feeling good. Mr. New Guy and I are vibing, laughing, joking, everyone in the suite is singing and dancing to Ursh. Again I’m feeling great at this point.
No sooner had Usher left the stage and most of the people in the suite left…NO CAN’T BE… I feel my stomach rumbling and belllcccccccccccccccccchhhhhh up comes all of my drink and food! Wait this cant be happeing I think doubled over on the floor..blllllllllllllllllllllllllwwww out comes more! Oh no is she alright some girl screams! No No not me I say and blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh okay now this is serious! I am in the middle of a suite with a man I barley know..Wizards players and I’m puking my guts up! Floor open up and swallow me whole now please!! Hey babe come to the bathroom and get it out Mr. New Guy says rubbing my back. Somehow we make it to the bathroom where I finish handling my business..smh. OMG I’m sooo sorry I say getting up on wobbly legs. It’s okay sweetheart don’t worry about it Mr. New Guy says grabbing me and helping me walk out the suite and down the stairs to the garage. Why me I say whhhhyyyyyyyyyy? No sooner had he seated me in the car I throw up again on the side of the car..yep right in the garage! Okay someone is playing a cruel cruel joke on me. To make matters worse I was supposed to meet my girls after the show and my phone has blacked out for some reason and won’t come back on. In the midst of my gutfest MR. New Guy is being the perfect nice guy rubbing my back telling me it’s going to be okay. He asks me where I parked and drives me to my car. Are you sure you can drive home he asks. I’m sure I say. Last thing I need is to be passed out in some strange man’s home I don’t know inebriated and sick as a dog! It’s bad enough he even sees me in this condition on our second encounter!
Somehow, someway I managed to make my way home. And guess what, Mr. New Guy called the next day to ask me on another date!
Monday, April 25, 2011
THE PERFECT DATE
HIM and I had history. Well not thaaat kind of history, but the kind where you know someone from back in the day and had you both been in a different space and time who knows what the possibilities could have been. One rainy night, while leaving LIMA with my girl, we bump into HIM on the sidewalk. He calls out my name and I look up and there he is standing there, tall as ever, grinning. “Hey sweetie,” he says as he hugs me, “Hey hun,” I say giving him a hug back. At this point it’s raining hard so HE asks my girl and I if we would like a ride to our car. Of course we say yes and hop into his boys’ Range. On the way to our car we’re all laughing and joking and having a good time! Once he pulls up to my car he pulls out his phone and asks if I still have the same number. “Yes, my number is still the same “I reply as I hop out the car.
The next day I get a call from HIM, and we immediately pick up where we left off. We discuss music, current events, and just life. We’re both single NOW, so he confesses he always wished he had a chance back in the day and wants to make up for lost time now. We agree to meet for dinner later on that week at a “surprise” location.The night of the date he comes to pick me up and as I walk outside he immediately jumps out of the car and opens my door. When I get inside I see a gift bag on the seat. “What is this,” I ask? “It’s for you,” he replies. “For me, why did you get me something? “ I ask in amazement. “No reason, I just wanted to do something nice.” So I open the gift bag and inside is the cutest little teddy bear, a card, and the last gift just made me grin from ear to ear! Beside the card was R Kelly’s Love Letter CD. This meant the most to me because in one of our previous conversations I told him how R was my favorite R&B artist and I wanted his new album. So the fact that he remembered put a huge smile on my face. (Nothing like a man who remembers the little things!) Inside the card was a nice note that said, “To a Special Friend, I am so glad you are back in my life” Tear!!
On the way to the restaurant we’re vibing to some oldies but goodies, then I hear Eric Roberson. I have an affinity towards men who like Eric Roberson, (I have fond memories of the person who put me on to Eric, but that’s another story!) I’m like, “Hey, you like Eric Roberson?” He’s like “Yea, I love Eric!” So we’re driving and and singing, Missin' (STILL) Yearnin’ (oh no) Tossin' (STILL) Turnin' (STILL) Waitin' Shakin' Fiendin' (fiendin' for her STILL!)
We wind up going to Virginia and when we get to the restaurant I smile. He has chosen a posh Italian spot because I told him Italian was one of my favorite foods in yet another previous conversation. (Okay this dude has scored all tens tonight so far) Of course he opens all the doors and makes sure we are seated in a nice location. During dinner the conversation was amazing, another turn on. It’s always a good thing when you can have intelligent and honest conversation with someone over good food and drink!
On the way back to my house we pop Eric back in and continued to ponder the possibilities! Once we got to my house he got out of the car opened my door and walked me to my house. He said” I know it’s late, and you have work tomorrow, so I will see you again soon,” and with a kiss on the cheek he left.
The next day I get a call from HIM, and we immediately pick up where we left off. We discuss music, current events, and just life. We’re both single NOW, so he confesses he always wished he had a chance back in the day and wants to make up for lost time now. We agree to meet for dinner later on that week at a “surprise” location.The night of the date he comes to pick me up and as I walk outside he immediately jumps out of the car and opens my door. When I get inside I see a gift bag on the seat. “What is this,” I ask? “It’s for you,” he replies. “For me, why did you get me something? “ I ask in amazement. “No reason, I just wanted to do something nice.” So I open the gift bag and inside is the cutest little teddy bear, a card, and the last gift just made me grin from ear to ear! Beside the card was R Kelly’s Love Letter CD. This meant the most to me because in one of our previous conversations I told him how R was my favorite R&B artist and I wanted his new album. So the fact that he remembered put a huge smile on my face. (Nothing like a man who remembers the little things!) Inside the card was a nice note that said, “To a Special Friend, I am so glad you are back in my life” Tear!!
On the way to the restaurant we’re vibing to some oldies but goodies, then I hear Eric Roberson. I have an affinity towards men who like Eric Roberson, (I have fond memories of the person who put me on to Eric, but that’s another story!) I’m like, “Hey, you like Eric Roberson?” He’s like “Yea, I love Eric!” So we’re driving and and singing, Missin' (STILL) Yearnin’ (oh no) Tossin' (STILL) Turnin' (STILL) Waitin' Shakin' Fiendin' (fiendin' for her STILL!)
We wind up going to Virginia and when we get to the restaurant I smile. He has chosen a posh Italian spot because I told him Italian was one of my favorite foods in yet another previous conversation. (Okay this dude has scored all tens tonight so far) Of course he opens all the doors and makes sure we are seated in a nice location. During dinner the conversation was amazing, another turn on. It’s always a good thing when you can have intelligent and honest conversation with someone over good food and drink!
On the way back to my house we pop Eric back in and continued to ponder the possibilities! Once we got to my house he got out of the car opened my door and walked me to my house. He said” I know it’s late, and you have work tomorrow, so I will see you again soon,” and with a kiss on the cheek he left.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
MI CASA ES SU CASA
My friends and I were looking for an apartment together and went to look at these amazing apartments in DC. After my last relationship ended in an epic failure my friends knew I was always on the prowl for new conquests or "prospects" I should say. WhenI got to the apartment they told me I was going to be in love with the leasing officer and I thought to myself ,Yea Right! So when I finally saw him I was like eh he is kind of short ,5'8 ,but nice complexion and a beautiful smile, well dressed, so not so bad all in all I thought. He takes us around and we are talking and I realize he's actually kind of interesting. He is funny and personable and as I continued to be around him he definitely got more attractive. We start doing some sexy flirting and he starts calling me Mami. Come to find out he is from the Dominican Republic ( Heeeeeey Papi) and like so many others I am a sucker for a sexy accent and a man who knows how to speak another language. Anyway ,we decide to exchange numbers. During our first convo on the phone he suggests that I come over so he can make me dinner. Now I am telling you that the first date at his house should have been a red flag, but, yes ,I was being the typical girl and just disregarded it. We were supposed to meet at 5 pm in Adams Morgan at Tryst. So I get there early and I am waiting outside a Starbucks talking to my bff before the date. There ends up being some confusion and he doesn't come and get me until damn near 7 pm. At this time I am talking to my girlfriend and contemplating if I should leave. Somehow he magically shows up and is like lets go back to "my house.." So we literally walk about 2 blocks around the corner and he takes me to this this beautiful four level 4 bedroom brownstone. I mean absolutely amazingly great layout and everything. So we are drinking and grilling, and somehow while we are outside I close the door. What I didn't realize was that the door was locked, so we are literally locked out of the house! I am like where is someone with the key. I am about to freak out because up to this point everything is cool. We are getting along well. The conversation is good he compliments me and seems cool. So I immediately think Shit,this date is ruined I have locked us out of the house and we have no way of getting back in. In the midst of the lock out and confusion things went from bad to worse. While I'm over there panicking he is amazingly calm. When I ask him what should we do, he says, " Oh I'll just call my boy whose house this is" Wait pause...WTF...DUDE THIS IS NOT YOUR HOUSE???
He winds up calling his friend and he tells him this trick to open the window and he somehow manages to slide through and climb through the window and then open the door. I am like WOW, during the entire thing he keeps it cool, and never ever gets mad or even flinches. He is completely chill which is such a turn on( in spite of the fact this is not his damn house!). I like a man who has emotional stability because I am an out of control emotional trainwreck sometimes. Once we get inside we get back to making dinner together. Because of this incident I ask him whose house is this and he tells me its not his but his friends and he is house sitting. Ok, I did forget to mention this man is 34 has been married before but no children and supposedly lives in his own condo around the corner. So I go with it. So after dinner we are watching tv and somehow the moves are made and we go at it. Now within a few moments he ends up completely naked and is trying to stick it in. No he doesnt have a condom on or anything and we definitely haven't had the STD/AIDS talk or anything. So I am saying uh no, we can kiss, but we are definitely not screwing each other. But he is persistent and he definitely wants to play so I let him have all the fun he wants. Now, I know we should not perpetuate stereotypes but I have to say the stereotype of Latin men being more passionate was proven and definitely worth all the hype that night. This dude by far had some great head game going on. Anyway, I am getting tired of messing around on the couch and decide to go to a room. He takes me upstairs to a bedroom with an air mattress (TURN OFF) but hey the head is worth laying on an air mattress. So literally the man kisses me to sleep. I mean I literally fall asleep with him wrapped around my body and his mouth on mine. I wake up in the morning and he goes at it again, of course all the while hoping to stick it in. But I am going to be honest, his dick was kind of small (I unfortunately have been turned out by bigger men so this "little" man aint really turning me on down there all like that! But, I digress. Anyway, we wake up and my lips and body are sore from his particular attention paid to my body. We get up and get dressed and he asks if I want something to drink. I tell him water but he pours himself a vodka and cranberry which I think is a little much for 9:30 am on a Sunday morning. (I have to mention that one of the reasons this was a huge red flag is I have dated an alcoholic which is another story so this was another WTF moment) Anyway so after that he walks me to my car and we call it a day. So that was my first date with this man. So while my dealings with him should have ended there it didn't!
Where it really gets interesting is the second date. So I am out in the city again and we decide to meet up but for some reason we can't seem to get together until damn near 11pm. Anyway so we meet up again at Tryst in Adams Morgan. I tell him that I'm tired from working and at that I have to work the next day so I am not trying to do too much but chill. Anyway he starts with the compliments again which is nice but I realize through all of our conversations he hasn't really said much about him or who he is or anything. He generally spends the entire conversation talking about how gorgeous I am and how beautiful my eyes are and dont let anyone look at them. On the first date I thought it was cute, but now I am getting a little annoyed. Like there are other things to talk about than my eyes. Anyway, he's like lets get out of here. So mind you he said on the first date he has a condo around the corner. Now most of you know that parking in Adams Morgan is a fucking bitch so I had valeted my car. He was like let's get it and let's go so my dumb behind assumes we are going back to his place. So I pay for the valet and we get into my car and drive off. I am like where are we going and he says Virgina. I am like WTF???? I told you I am tired and I am not driving to fucking VA, I was like why don't we go back to your place. He is like no I have a better place. I am like ok, so he tells me to drive as we turn the corner this fool has the nerve to point out his condo and say I live right there. I am like WTF but why are we not stopping there, but lets see this better place. I should of known then this was not going to end well. Anyway we drive about 20 minutes away and he tells me to pull over. I am like ok why? So I do for whatever I reason I do and this dude takes the seatbelt off and proceeds to make out with me. I am WTF is going on here. Did we just drive past your house to make out in my fucking car!!!!!!!!!!!! you have to be fucking kidding me. You are 34 years old and supposedly single why the fuck are we making out in my car?!?!?! I was completely over it and I am like we are not doing this. He's like is everything okay? I am like why are we making out in my car? He tells me HIS PARENTS LIVE WITH HIMand they don't get along so each one stays in each of his two bedrooms and he sleeps on the couch. He says they are really old fashioned and would not understand him bringing girls back to the house. I am like really? Really? At 34, a divorced, man can't bring women back to his home? Ummm, sure! I proceed to take him back to the restaurant. Well I am not sure why someone at this age who has their own place would proceed to make out with me in the car unless there was a reason he did not want me at his place. We have talked since and he says he can't believe I thought he was married. I said well let me come over. I'm still waiting on my invitation....so you decide if mi casa es su casa!
He winds up calling his friend and he tells him this trick to open the window and he somehow manages to slide through and climb through the window and then open the door. I am like WOW, during the entire thing he keeps it cool, and never ever gets mad or even flinches. He is completely chill which is such a turn on( in spite of the fact this is not his damn house!). I like a man who has emotional stability because I am an out of control emotional trainwreck sometimes. Once we get inside we get back to making dinner together. Because of this incident I ask him whose house is this and he tells me its not his but his friends and he is house sitting. Ok, I did forget to mention this man is 34 has been married before but no children and supposedly lives in his own condo around the corner. So I go with it. So after dinner we are watching tv and somehow the moves are made and we go at it. Now within a few moments he ends up completely naked and is trying to stick it in. No he doesnt have a condom on or anything and we definitely haven't had the STD/AIDS talk or anything. So I am saying uh no, we can kiss, but we are definitely not screwing each other. But he is persistent and he definitely wants to play so I let him have all the fun he wants. Now, I know we should not perpetuate stereotypes but I have to say the stereotype of Latin men being more passionate was proven and definitely worth all the hype that night. This dude by far had some great head game going on. Anyway, I am getting tired of messing around on the couch and decide to go to a room. He takes me upstairs to a bedroom with an air mattress (TURN OFF) but hey the head is worth laying on an air mattress. So literally the man kisses me to sleep. I mean I literally fall asleep with him wrapped around my body and his mouth on mine. I wake up in the morning and he goes at it again, of course all the while hoping to stick it in. But I am going to be honest, his dick was kind of small (I unfortunately have been turned out by bigger men so this "little" man aint really turning me on down there all like that! But, I digress. Anyway, we wake up and my lips and body are sore from his particular attention paid to my body. We get up and get dressed and he asks if I want something to drink. I tell him water but he pours himself a vodka and cranberry which I think is a little much for 9:30 am on a Sunday morning. (I have to mention that one of the reasons this was a huge red flag is I have dated an alcoholic which is another story so this was another WTF moment) Anyway so after that he walks me to my car and we call it a day. So that was my first date with this man. So while my dealings with him should have ended there it didn't!
Where it really gets interesting is the second date. So I am out in the city again and we decide to meet up but for some reason we can't seem to get together until damn near 11pm. Anyway so we meet up again at Tryst in Adams Morgan. I tell him that I'm tired from working and at that I have to work the next day so I am not trying to do too much but chill. Anyway he starts with the compliments again which is nice but I realize through all of our conversations he hasn't really said much about him or who he is or anything. He generally spends the entire conversation talking about how gorgeous I am and how beautiful my eyes are and dont let anyone look at them. On the first date I thought it was cute, but now I am getting a little annoyed. Like there are other things to talk about than my eyes. Anyway, he's like lets get out of here. So mind you he said on the first date he has a condo around the corner. Now most of you know that parking in Adams Morgan is a fucking bitch so I had valeted my car. He was like let's get it and let's go so my dumb behind assumes we are going back to his place. So I pay for the valet and we get into my car and drive off. I am like where are we going and he says Virgina. I am like WTF???? I told you I am tired and I am not driving to fucking VA, I was like why don't we go back to your place. He is like no I have a better place. I am like ok, so he tells me to drive as we turn the corner this fool has the nerve to point out his condo and say I live right there. I am like WTF but why are we not stopping there, but lets see this better place. I should of known then this was not going to end well. Anyway we drive about 20 minutes away and he tells me to pull over. I am like ok why? So I do for whatever I reason I do and this dude takes the seatbelt off and proceeds to make out with me. I am WTF is going on here. Did we just drive past your house to make out in my fucking car!!!!!!!!!!!! you have to be fucking kidding me. You are 34 years old and supposedly single why the fuck are we making out in my car?!?!?! I was completely over it and I am like we are not doing this. He's like is everything okay? I am like why are we making out in my car? He tells me HIS PARENTS LIVE WITH HIMand they don't get along so each one stays in each of his two bedrooms and he sleeps on the couch. He says they are really old fashioned and would not understand him bringing girls back to the house. I am like really? Really? At 34, a divorced, man can't bring women back to his home? Ummm, sure! I proceed to take him back to the restaurant. Well I am not sure why someone at this age who has their own place would proceed to make out with me in the car unless there was a reason he did not want me at his place. We have talked since and he says he can't believe I thought he was married. I said well let me come over. I'm still waiting on my invitation....so you decide if mi casa es su casa!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
WHO GON CHECK ME BOO??
It was one of those nights where I didn't want to go out, but wanted some company. So this date started with grabbing some coffee at the local coffee shop by my house and ended up at my apartment for late night conversation. I was open to some late night kissing to go along with the conversation!. Now, I have known this guy for a few weeks now. Real cool dude, no crazy signs so I was comfortable. He kept me laughing and showed some interest. Back at the ranch, it was great. We laughed watched TV and even looked up new music online. I decided to get comfortable and change into a tank top and sweats.
I will admit I didn't keep the bra on for a reason, I wanted him to touch them, maybe even suck on them, hell maybe suck on other things! I was game, I was attracted to him. As the night wore on the tank top and no bra worked! He was excited and kept looking at my breasts. We continued to talk and laugh some more until I had to make a move. He was just moving too slow. I took his hand and said geesh my nipples are so hard. That led to him lifting up my top and sucking both nipples. It felt really good! Now I didn't want it to go as far as sex but I wanted some action. He was getting very excited and decided that maybe I should touch his penis. I did, and the minute I felt how SMALL it was, I was turned OFF! It was over, done, a no go.
I decided to see if he was a good kisser or not since afterall perhaps there were some other things he could do! He was a great kisser. The kissing was excellent which kept me engaged, but it went south again when this fool felt comfortable enough to pass gas. This was no small fart, this was a hard, up his butt all night fart. The kind you have to get out or your stomach will hurt. What made it worse was the facial expression he made when letting it out, he had his face turned up and his eyes were closed. OMG dude why do you feel comfortable enough to do this???? This led to 4-5 more hard ass farts and I was just done. It was no more kissing or anything. I simply said, You know what I'm getting tired." He said, " Are you kicking me out of your house? I said "Pretty much. "
I don't think we are going out on a real date anytime soon since he can't control his farts.
I will admit I didn't keep the bra on for a reason, I wanted him to touch them, maybe even suck on them, hell maybe suck on other things! I was game, I was attracted to him. As the night wore on the tank top and no bra worked! He was excited and kept looking at my breasts. We continued to talk and laugh some more until I had to make a move. He was just moving too slow. I took his hand and said geesh my nipples are so hard. That led to him lifting up my top and sucking both nipples. It felt really good! Now I didn't want it to go as far as sex but I wanted some action. He was getting very excited and decided that maybe I should touch his penis. I did, and the minute I felt how SMALL it was, I was turned OFF! It was over, done, a no go.
I decided to see if he was a good kisser or not since afterall perhaps there were some other things he could do! He was a great kisser. The kissing was excellent which kept me engaged, but it went south again when this fool felt comfortable enough to pass gas. This was no small fart, this was a hard, up his butt all night fart. The kind you have to get out or your stomach will hurt. What made it worse was the facial expression he made when letting it out, he had his face turned up and his eyes were closed. OMG dude why do you feel comfortable enough to do this???? This led to 4-5 more hard ass farts and I was just done. It was no more kissing or anything. I simply said, You know what I'm getting tired." He said, " Are you kicking me out of your house? I said "Pretty much. "
I don't think we are going out on a real date anytime soon since he can't control his farts.
WHAT THA?????
Not to sound cliché, but when grandma said “Idol hands are the devils playground”, she wasn't lying! On this particular Saturday morning, while I was sitting around the house bored out of my mind, I decided to renew my subscription to Match.com (initially on this particular weekend, I was supposed to be in Virginia with a guy who had shown his ass that week, so I backed out of the trip). I began to read some of the messages that had been sent to me within the past two months where I was on my internet browsing hiatus (never really went out on dates with the men I met). There was one guy who had sent me two messages within that very week. After reviewing his profile, I thought that he may be decent. He seemed to be the adventurous type, his profile showed pictures of him at a gun range and sky diving. I figured conversation wouldn’t hurt.
I replied to one of his messages telling him that I had a blessed week. Within minutes he responded saying “It’s a beautiful day, how about meeting up for some coffee and enjoying the day with company…” Well, I got the message about two hours later, after I decided to kill more time until the movie I planned on going to see started. So back to Match.com I went. I got the message and at the end of it he left his phone number. I decided “what the heck” so I texted the phone thinking that would be the quickest way for me to get in touch with him saying “I’m sure it's too late for coffee, but how about dessert?”
He texted back with the venue - it was in Georgetown (can’t remember the name of it now). We were meeting at 2pm.I have never enjoyed riding around for long periods of time looking for parking, so I grabbed the first parking spot on M street. However, I was a little late because the walk was to the other end of M street. So, maybe that is what pissed him off… but I’ll get to that in a moment.
As I was walking, I called my DC god-mother to tell her where I was and the name of the fool I was with. I did this just as a precaution since, afterall, I was meeting someone off the freaking internet. When I finally reached my destination I texted him to tell him I was there. I waited for about five minutes before I saw a man pull up in a silver Porsche who then proceeded to park illegally. He approached me and addressed me by my cyber name.
He was tall with a caramel complexion, 35 years old ,thinning hair toward the front of his head, and pigeon toed. This was when I should have ended things right here, but, it was just dessert right! So, as we were waiting on a table, we covered the basic, surface getting to know someone conversation. The questions of “What brought you to DC”, to “What do you do” were all answered. Hmm… maybe he didn’t like what I did as a profession on a day to day. Wait… I’m getting there.
He asked me whether or not I enjoyed festivals. I responded that yes I did enjoy festivals. He then told me about the Taste of Bethesda which was that day and that he had a few friends there and asked if I would like to go. I didn’t mind. I asked him how we would get there. Of course he said he would drive. However, I parked at a two hour meter. He then told me that he would take me to my car so I could move it to some place safe. He explained since he lived in Georgetown he knew all the places where one could park and be okay (that was also his explanation for parking illegally).As I was giving him directions to my car (which was at the opposite end of M street) I noticed the music that was oozing out of his speakers. I asked him what kind of music he listened to. He named some artists that I had never heard of. He then told me that he would listen to anything and he turned on the radio. I guess that he could sense that I wasn’t feeling his taste in music. He made a few wrong turns on the straight shot to my car, but once we got to my car I asked him, “Now, you promise that you are not going to allow me to park somewhere that would result in a ticket?” He assured me that he would not. So, I get out of the car, and as soon as I turned around and walk towards my car door, he sped off!!!
Was it something I said…???
Monday, March 7, 2011
IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT
It was a Friday night, we were just leaving RECESS, which is adult game night, in VA. One of my girls is driving , the other is in the backseat, and I’m in the passenger seat. We’re cruising in DC past Ozzios when I look to the right and see a police car sitting next to me. I kind of casually glance over, Hey nothing wrong with a man in uniform! Out of the corner of my eye I see the officer in the passenger seat appears to be a cutie! I quickly turn my head when I see he peeps my glance and as we’re about to pull off the officer who’s driving motions for us to pull over down the block. I’m like Oh Lord here we go ! I wasn’t trying holla I was just taking a look. So when we pull over to the side Passenger Officer gets out of the car and walks up to my window. Okay now that I get a good glimpse, officer is FIONE. And I don’t usually go for the high yellow blue eyes type, but this one right here has that sexy Michael Ealey thing going on so I can make an exception for him! Mr. Officer exchanges pleasantries with my girls then proceeds to ask me for my name and then my number. As we pull of I’m thinking Okay Mr. Officer!! As soon as I walk in the house he calls. He’s a little younger than my usual, but it’s cool I’m not getting excited yet! We agree to meet up later on that week. Due to my scheduling conflicts we didn’t meet when originally planned but Mr. Officer is persistent, so he finally meets me for drinks after work, right across the street from my job a few weeks later. He’s cute outside of his uniform and those eyes, did I mention they were blue? He’s a perfect gentleman on the date, nice conversation, nice laughs, easy going, pays for everything, we’re vibing well here. Over the course of the evening he asks me if I’m single and why. I tell him I just got out of a three year relationship and am taking it easy. He volunteered that he was single as well. I didn’t ask any probing questions because I really didn’t care. We were just getting drinks, nothing more or less. I’m really in a head space where I don’t want to be bothered with men beyond the platonic friend level anyway. At the end of the evening he walks me to the garage where my car is parked and where his is as well. I see a baby seat in the back of his car and ask him if that is for his child. He said no he doesn’t have kids but works undercover picking up “Ladies of the Night” and the car seat is one of the props he uses when pretending to be a regular “John”. I said okay and goodnight and that was that.
We talked on the phone a few more times after that date. When he asks me out again he asks me if I have friends so we can do kind of a group thing which I thought was kind of strange, but whatever, group outings are cool with me! One night he calls and I tell him my girls and I are doing dinner at Busboys and Poets. He said he was on duty but was going to come through and say hi and bring his partner. So he comes through Busboys gun loaded, waves it at the waiter, showing off! We laugh and joke and he leaves to go back on duty. Again at this point nothing serious, he is still just a cool guy to know, nothing more or less. Of course we flirt via text but that’s about it.
Fast forward a few months, we still have not had face time after Busboys and I was too busy doing my own thing to even notice, but anyway fast forward a few months and he tells me has a friend in town from Georgia that is doing an internship here so to bring one of my girls so we can all get drinks at the bar near where the friend is staying. I agree, no problem. We get there and he introduces me to his two boys. I introduce him to my girl and we’re all on the bar just chillin. We order our food and drinks. One of his boys is flirting with my girl, him and I are doing our thing, when out of nowhere this hoodrat pops up next to him. It was obvious they knew one another by the body language and interaction and this Beesh looks like she ready to just join our group, leaning over him laughing, whispering in his ear flirting BIG TIMMMME. I’m looking at my girl like Wow what a rude beesh! I can’ check her cause he’s not my man, he’s no one really, but I’m just observing how this all goes down. He’s chopping it up right along with her. At this point his other boy comes along and is trying to keep me occupied, but after a certain point I realize his boy is flirting with me. Hmm okay this is strange. He’s telling me about his career moves what he’s studying blah blah. Then he asks for my number. Now ordinarily outta respect for his boy I would decline, but hey his boy and I are not dating, nor is his boy dismissing this rude B so why not, I’m always down to meeting cool people. Ol girl finally leaves and I look at Mr Officer and don’t even say anything. He’s like, “Why didn’t you save me from her, she is so annoying blah blah. I’m like," Umm aren’t you a grown man, a police officer nonetheless, you don’t know how to dismiss chicken heads? Not my problem dear." So we continue chillin and do you know this B comes back!! My girl and I are like naw you have to be kidding me. So his homeboy tries to break the ice and is cracking jokes. At this point I’m ready to go because how did you invite someone out and then you sit here entertaining someone that clearly has a thing for you and you clearly must have a thing for her because you are not politely excusing her. After she leaves the second time Mr. Officer quickly jumps from the bar and says he has to take an urgent call. It’s close to midnight now. So I figure perhaps duty calls. He comes back and says Well goodnight everyone. I must go I have to do blah blah. Fine with me I was leaving anyway!
As we’re walking out his homeboy is still in my ear walking me to my car, inviting me on a date before he leaves town. I’m still thinking this is all so strange what kind of ménage did I walk into? The next day I check out homeboy’s Facebook page and I see two pics of Mr. Officer. He’s in a limo in one pic and the caption reads , “Last night with Mr. Officer before (insert girl name here) locks him down. “ Huh” eyebrows raised at this point..WTH. Before he’s locked down? Is this Negro married? Hit next and see Mr. Officer in a pic dancing in a tuxedo with his bride!!Okay hands in the air at this point. So this Negro really is married! Okay now it allll makes sense! Explains the unavailability on certain days, wanting to always be in a group, running out of the bar like a bat out of hell because it’s late. So I write a comment under one pic like “How cute”. His boy calls me after like," Oh snap you didn’t know Mr Officer was married?" I was like Naw he left that out. He was like "Yea and his wife is an Officer too, I thought you knew blah blah. "He then added that Mr. Officer always does this and I tell him he needs to be honest, the girl on the bar is an escort he was messing with "blah bla…at this point I’m speechless…like wow! So not only is he cheating on his wife who is a cop and could potentially KILL HIM, he’s cheating on her with escorts and random chicks..SMDH! So glad I didn’ t take this dude seriously and he is out of my life.
We talked on the phone a few more times after that date. When he asks me out again he asks me if I have friends so we can do kind of a group thing which I thought was kind of strange, but whatever, group outings are cool with me! One night he calls and I tell him my girls and I are doing dinner at Busboys and Poets. He said he was on duty but was going to come through and say hi and bring his partner. So he comes through Busboys gun loaded, waves it at the waiter, showing off! We laugh and joke and he leaves to go back on duty. Again at this point nothing serious, he is still just a cool guy to know, nothing more or less. Of course we flirt via text but that’s about it.
Fast forward a few months, we still have not had face time after Busboys and I was too busy doing my own thing to even notice, but anyway fast forward a few months and he tells me has a friend in town from Georgia that is doing an internship here so to bring one of my girls so we can all get drinks at the bar near where the friend is staying. I agree, no problem. We get there and he introduces me to his two boys. I introduce him to my girl and we’re all on the bar just chillin. We order our food and drinks. One of his boys is flirting with my girl, him and I are doing our thing, when out of nowhere this hoodrat pops up next to him. It was obvious they knew one another by the body language and interaction and this Beesh looks like she ready to just join our group, leaning over him laughing, whispering in his ear flirting BIG TIMMMME. I’m looking at my girl like Wow what a rude beesh! I can’ check her cause he’s not my man, he’s no one really, but I’m just observing how this all goes down. He’s chopping it up right along with her. At this point his other boy comes along and is trying to keep me occupied, but after a certain point I realize his boy is flirting with me. Hmm okay this is strange. He’s telling me about his career moves what he’s studying blah blah. Then he asks for my number. Now ordinarily outta respect for his boy I would decline, but hey his boy and I are not dating, nor is his boy dismissing this rude B so why not, I’m always down to meeting cool people. Ol girl finally leaves and I look at Mr Officer and don’t even say anything. He’s like, “Why didn’t you save me from her, she is so annoying blah blah. I’m like," Umm aren’t you a grown man, a police officer nonetheless, you don’t know how to dismiss chicken heads? Not my problem dear." So we continue chillin and do you know this B comes back!! My girl and I are like naw you have to be kidding me. So his homeboy tries to break the ice and is cracking jokes. At this point I’m ready to go because how did you invite someone out and then you sit here entertaining someone that clearly has a thing for you and you clearly must have a thing for her because you are not politely excusing her. After she leaves the second time Mr. Officer quickly jumps from the bar and says he has to take an urgent call. It’s close to midnight now. So I figure perhaps duty calls. He comes back and says Well goodnight everyone. I must go I have to do blah blah. Fine with me I was leaving anyway!
As we’re walking out his homeboy is still in my ear walking me to my car, inviting me on a date before he leaves town. I’m still thinking this is all so strange what kind of ménage did I walk into? The next day I check out homeboy’s Facebook page and I see two pics of Mr. Officer. He’s in a limo in one pic and the caption reads , “Last night with Mr. Officer before (insert girl name here) locks him down. “ Huh” eyebrows raised at this point..WTH. Before he’s locked down? Is this Negro married? Hit next and see Mr. Officer in a pic dancing in a tuxedo with his bride!!Okay hands in the air at this point. So this Negro really is married! Okay now it allll makes sense! Explains the unavailability on certain days, wanting to always be in a group, running out of the bar like a bat out of hell because it’s late. So I write a comment under one pic like “How cute”. His boy calls me after like," Oh snap you didn’t know Mr Officer was married?" I was like Naw he left that out. He was like "Yea and his wife is an Officer too, I thought you knew blah blah. "He then added that Mr. Officer always does this and I tell him he needs to be honest, the girl on the bar is an escort he was messing with "blah bla…at this point I’m speechless…like wow! So not only is he cheating on his wife who is a cop and could potentially KILL HIM, he’s cheating on her with escorts and random chicks..SMDH! So glad I didn’ t take this dude seriously and he is out of my life.
CAN SOMEONE LEND ME A HAND?
After a day or running errands for nearly 3 hours, the last thing I wanted was some strange guy talking to me, but Michael was different. He had the kind of energy I was looking for from the day, but most importantly I saw "fun" and a good time in him. I was wrong, dead wrong. If you told me to name three things wrong with Michael, let’s just say being in a mental hospital was not one of them!
It all happened at a nearby CVS. I noticed that the man in front of me was doing a lot of talking to the cashier to the point that it irritated me and I just wanted to buy my purchase and get out of there. When he turned around he smiled so hard that it made me smile. I was shocked. He said "Hello, how are you ?wow you have a great smile." That led to a small conversation and us exchanging numbers. A few minutes later I get a call and it was Michael . He wanted us to have dinner in a few hours. I agreed and rushed home to change clothes.
Michael was punctual and sincere. He seemed really nice over the phone and I was just caught in the moment so I told him to meet me in front of my building . He didn’t come up, but at this point I shouldn’t have even done that. It was a big NO NO and I was a big DUMB DUMB lol.
He pulled up in a very nice car, jumped out and opened the door for me. The minute I got in the car I could since he was off or nervous. I took it as nervous. We couldn’t decide where to eat. Then he changed his mind about dinner and wanted us to have coffee instead. I am thinking what happened to dinner dude? I said no we can do coffee another say, let’s do dinner since that is what I had my mind set on. So dinner it was but I told him to pick a resturant but he just couldn’t. Besides him talking too much, he was talking too loud. I jump in again and say lets head to this Thai place I have never been to.
We found a great parking space and so it’s off to a better start. He opened the door to the car and the restaurant. Once we sat down I see the tension in his eyes and I’m trying to ease whatever he is nervous about. So we did the back and forth questions but that made him nervous. Then he explains all that he is going through, and I am thinking we all are going through something or have in one point of our lives. The minute he said you don’t understand, I should've believed him!
This guy was 30 years old, engaged seven times, was on 90 days of personal leave from work and at one point was in a mental hospital for seven days. At the age of 16 he had a stroke and was in a coma for four months and had to learn to talk, walk all over again. He was never the same after that. He couldn't finish his thoughts; he was jumpy and sometimes so intense that it scared me. I had a decision to make, either just get through the date, or run out of there and take a cab home. I decided to get through the date and try to be understanding. It was hard. His moods changed every 5 minutes. He was snappy and to top it off his butt didn’t even order his own food, he insisted on sharing mine. I was mad at this point . I was hungry and didn’t want to share. He was like with all that I am going through I lost my appetite. So I asked him "What are you still going through?" He says well I have to move back in my mom’s house and she is the one who sent me to a mental hospital and I don’t know if I can go back to work because they have to determine if I am sane or crazy. CHECK PLEASE!!!
After the insanity confession I am not only scared but I am mad because this is way too much information on a date with a guy that I only just wanted to have dinner with and laugh. I don’t think this guy could ever live a normal life and he was just too cute for crazy.
Me being who I am, I showed concerned and understanding and was trying to keep him calm. I asked him about relationships and he snapped in like 4 seconds. He tells me how no one knows how to love him. He tells me women don’t like him because he is a Muslim. Well I can’t date you either sir, I'm thinking to myself! Lol. All of a sudden gets freaky and tells me he loves my curves my eyes and lips. That was the first normal thing that came out of his mouth all night. The night was coming to an end and I excused myself to the rest room. I return to the table and he greeted me with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek it was nice it made me feel a little better. He held me and didn’t let me go . We walked to the car and that's when IT HAPPENED. He asked me to massage him with lotion in the car. I said Huh? Why? He said I’m just so stressed I just need you to help me. I said and do what? He said, "Can you please massage my dick??"
That is when I went off and said oh no please take me home now. The ride home was quiet and when we pulled up to my house he kept saying I’m so sorry this is not like me, sorry for disrespecting you. I said don’t worry take care.
I ran into the house and screamed. How could this have been a date from hell? Everything went wrong and this dude was crazy, literally.
It all happened at a nearby CVS. I noticed that the man in front of me was doing a lot of talking to the cashier to the point that it irritated me and I just wanted to buy my purchase and get out of there. When he turned around he smiled so hard that it made me smile. I was shocked. He said "Hello, how are you ?wow you have a great smile." That led to a small conversation and us exchanging numbers. A few minutes later I get a call and it was Michael . He wanted us to have dinner in a few hours. I agreed and rushed home to change clothes.
Michael was punctual and sincere. He seemed really nice over the phone and I was just caught in the moment so I told him to meet me in front of my building . He didn’t come up, but at this point I shouldn’t have even done that. It was a big NO NO and I was a big DUMB DUMB lol.
He pulled up in a very nice car, jumped out and opened the door for me. The minute I got in the car I could since he was off or nervous. I took it as nervous. We couldn’t decide where to eat. Then he changed his mind about dinner and wanted us to have coffee instead. I am thinking what happened to dinner dude? I said no we can do coffee another say, let’s do dinner since that is what I had my mind set on. So dinner it was but I told him to pick a resturant but he just couldn’t. Besides him talking too much, he was talking too loud. I jump in again and say lets head to this Thai place I have never been to.
We found a great parking space and so it’s off to a better start. He opened the door to the car and the restaurant. Once we sat down I see the tension in his eyes and I’m trying to ease whatever he is nervous about. So we did the back and forth questions but that made him nervous. Then he explains all that he is going through, and I am thinking we all are going through something or have in one point of our lives. The minute he said you don’t understand, I should've believed him!
This guy was 30 years old, engaged seven times, was on 90 days of personal leave from work and at one point was in a mental hospital for seven days. At the age of 16 he had a stroke and was in a coma for four months and had to learn to talk, walk all over again. He was never the same after that. He couldn't finish his thoughts; he was jumpy and sometimes so intense that it scared me. I had a decision to make, either just get through the date, or run out of there and take a cab home. I decided to get through the date and try to be understanding. It was hard. His moods changed every 5 minutes. He was snappy and to top it off his butt didn’t even order his own food, he insisted on sharing mine. I was mad at this point . I was hungry and didn’t want to share. He was like with all that I am going through I lost my appetite. So I asked him "What are you still going through?" He says well I have to move back in my mom’s house and she is the one who sent me to a mental hospital and I don’t know if I can go back to work because they have to determine if I am sane or crazy. CHECK PLEASE!!!
After the insanity confession I am not only scared but I am mad because this is way too much information on a date with a guy that I only just wanted to have dinner with and laugh. I don’t think this guy could ever live a normal life and he was just too cute for crazy.
Me being who I am, I showed concerned and understanding and was trying to keep him calm. I asked him about relationships and he snapped in like 4 seconds. He tells me how no one knows how to love him. He tells me women don’t like him because he is a Muslim. Well I can’t date you either sir, I'm thinking to myself! Lol. All of a sudden gets freaky and tells me he loves my curves my eyes and lips. That was the first normal thing that came out of his mouth all night. The night was coming to an end and I excused myself to the rest room. I return to the table and he greeted me with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek it was nice it made me feel a little better. He held me and didn’t let me go . We walked to the car and that's when IT HAPPENED. He asked me to massage him with lotion in the car. I said Huh? Why? He said I’m just so stressed I just need you to help me. I said and do what? He said, "Can you please massage my dick??"
That is when I went off and said oh no please take me home now. The ride home was quiet and when we pulled up to my house he kept saying I’m so sorry this is not like me, sorry for disrespecting you. I said don’t worry take care.
I ran into the house and screamed. How could this have been a date from hell? Everything went wrong and this dude was crazy, literally.
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Maybe a Baby Daddy
So, I went out with a guy who I had been dating off and on for almost two years. For the sake of this story, we will address him by his self-proclaimed name "Mr. Right" (funny, I know). So, we decided that we would hang out for two days since I was coming from out of town to hang out with him. First, let me describe him, so that everyone can get a mental picture. In the face, hmm, he's just alright. I wasn't sold when we first met. Brown skin, very smooth, about 5'9. He has a bit of a hairline problem, backed up, kind of like Sade. BUT, he is a full-time fireman, part-time martial arts instructor/competitor, so needless to say, his body is on point. So I said, hey, WTF? I decided to give him my number, and we connected.
The first night of our weekend date, everything was great. We had dinner, laughs, drinks, and just talked about our lives in general. The thing that attracts me to him the most is his sense of humor. He has the wildest stories about his job. You wouldn't believe some of the things that they encounter as community servants. The stories mixed with the alcohol intensified everything. It was a great date. We ended it by going back to my hotel and... Well, you know. *All smiles* No, really.
So, Mr. "Right” left that morning to go home and change, which, sort of surprised me because he lives about 45 minutes from where my hotel was. I couldn't understand why he didn't just bring a change of clothes with him, when he knew in advance that we were staying the night with one another. However, he is so amazing in bed, I couldn't complain. I just went with the flow.
He called about two hours later and said that he was on his way back to see me. I was excited to see him, and was eager to get a part two (hehe) before the next date. So I jumped in the shower, and decided that when he came back, I would answer the door, ahem, dressed in lingerie. I knew exactly what I needed to do, to get what I wanted. He had a tendency to play hard to get, and I wasn't taking no for an answer. I lotioned up splashed a bit of Chloe on my body and pulled my hair up in a bun. Five minutes later, he was knocking on the door. I jumped off the bed, opened the door, and to my surprise, he was carrying a baby and a diaper bag.
Yeah, my vag dried up instantly.
Now, Mr. Right claims that he does not have any children and that he is single. I don't understand, why he would bring a baby on a date, with a girl that you rarely see. So, I asked him, WTF is up with the baby? A three month old baby at that.
He claims that this kid, was his cousin's baby, and his "godchild" and he was babysitting. I asked why he didn’t tell me about this prior to coming back. He gave the following excuses:
1. He was on his way to see me, and then his cousin called, panicking because he needed a babysitter.
2. Once he picked the baby up, he tried to call me and realized his cell phone battery died.
3. He didn't think that I would mind and he wanted me to meet this alleged godson/cousin.
Hmmm. Not buying it. However, I decided to make a mental note of this bizarre encounter and just enjoy the rest of the date. While we had another great day, with a 3 month old baby (who by the way was absolutely adorable and VERY GOOD), I noticed some things.
1. He knew the placement of every object in the diaper bag.
2. He knew things about the baby that only the parents would know.
3. The way that he looked and interacted with him, I wanted to scream and say: "Mr. Right. You are the Father"
So, almost six months later, he is still adamant that this child does not belong to him. The jury, however, is still out on that. #Kanyeshrug
The first night of our weekend date, everything was great. We had dinner, laughs, drinks, and just talked about our lives in general. The thing that attracts me to him the most is his sense of humor. He has the wildest stories about his job. You wouldn't believe some of the things that they encounter as community servants. The stories mixed with the alcohol intensified everything. It was a great date. We ended it by going back to my hotel and... Well, you know. *All smiles* No, really.
So, Mr. "Right” left that morning to go home and change, which, sort of surprised me because he lives about 45 minutes from where my hotel was. I couldn't understand why he didn't just bring a change of clothes with him, when he knew in advance that we were staying the night with one another. However, he is so amazing in bed, I couldn't complain. I just went with the flow.
He called about two hours later and said that he was on his way back to see me. I was excited to see him, and was eager to get a part two (hehe) before the next date. So I jumped in the shower, and decided that when he came back, I would answer the door, ahem, dressed in lingerie. I knew exactly what I needed to do, to get what I wanted. He had a tendency to play hard to get, and I wasn't taking no for an answer. I lotioned up splashed a bit of Chloe on my body and pulled my hair up in a bun. Five minutes later, he was knocking on the door. I jumped off the bed, opened the door, and to my surprise, he was carrying a baby and a diaper bag.
Yeah, my vag dried up instantly.
Now, Mr. Right claims that he does not have any children and that he is single. I don't understand, why he would bring a baby on a date, with a girl that you rarely see. So, I asked him, WTF is up with the baby? A three month old baby at that.
He claims that this kid, was his cousin's baby, and his "godchild" and he was babysitting. I asked why he didn’t tell me about this prior to coming back. He gave the following excuses:
1. He was on his way to see me, and then his cousin called, panicking because he needed a babysitter.
2. Once he picked the baby up, he tried to call me and realized his cell phone battery died.
3. He didn't think that I would mind and he wanted me to meet this alleged godson/cousin.
Hmmm. Not buying it. However, I decided to make a mental note of this bizarre encounter and just enjoy the rest of the date. While we had another great day, with a 3 month old baby (who by the way was absolutely adorable and VERY GOOD), I noticed some things.
1. He knew the placement of every object in the diaper bag.
2. He knew things about the baby that only the parents would know.
3. The way that he looked and interacted with him, I wanted to scream and say: "Mr. Right. You are the Father"
So, almost six months later, he is still adamant that this child does not belong to him. The jury, however, is still out on that. #Kanyeshrug
JOKES ON ME
In honor of my birthday my “friend” whom I’ve been seeing for several months bought me tickets to go see a very popular comedian on a Friday night. The evening started off well enough with me going to his place after work to change and eat dinner. After our usual dinner, laughs, and drinks we drove to the comedy show in DC. Of course as black folks we were late, but what we saw of the show was good. After the performance, we stopped for some really good food in the city and then proceeded to the club to get our dance on! He loves to laugh and dance, I love to laugh and dance, so this was the beginning of a fun evening.
As soon as we enter the club I feel a wave of heat hit me in my face. We start making our way through each floor which is beyond filled to capacity and feeling like a straight up zoo. I hadn’t been to this club in a looong time so I had to get my bearings. As we reached the second floor we run into his crew who I will call “Tha Boyz”. Tha Boyz are his family, h his homies, his everything. Him and the “Tha Boyz” literally go to this particular club every week so this is their spot! Ironically I used to be a regular in this place a few years back myself, but now realize why I stopped going. As we say our greetings to everyone, my wonderful date asks me if he can have fifteen minutes with “Tha Boyz”? Me being the “go with the flow cool chick” that I am just kind of said Okay No Problem, not really thinking about the ridiculousness of his request. So I took my I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T self, and proceeded through the club to see who I knew in the crowd. Lo and behold, I see someone I met in Miami over the summer that I had not seen since.
Mr. Miami invites me into his section and we’re laughing and joking and dancing. As we’re kicking it I feel ice grills on my front and back from some of the other women there. I’m looking at him like “Okay what’s going on here?” He’s like “Oh these are my co-workers and they’re hating blah blah blah.” The dude is a pretty attractive guy so I can see other women hating, BUUT I pay them no mind and we continue dancing and laughing. Well I guess the girl who was a bold hater had to size me up ,up close and personal, so she comes up to me and says, “Hi, how do you know my brother?” At this point I’m saying to myself, “ This girl can’t be serious!: But I smile politely and respond, “Oh we go waaaay back, “and continue dancing. She then goes” Oh ,well what’s your name?” Again I smile politely and say “Hi my name is Amber,” Of course I am lying about my real name because after all who is this Beesh and why is she all up in my business!! She proceeds to tell me her name, which is ironically, MY REAL NAME! Whew so glad I lied. Smh. At this point I’m like okay enough time has passed, where is my date , this place is crazy! I am started to get slightly ticked off for even leaving him so he could hang with the boys that he lives with and sees every single night of the week, while I’m left alone in this jungle called a club.
So as I make my way therough the crowd looking for him I see THA BOYZ on the bar. My date is nowhere in sight so I ask his best friend where his boy is. He points to the dance floor but I don’t see him in the crowd. I just chill with them for a few on the bar. When they move I move with them so I don’t get lost in the maze, and we go downstairs. Tha Boyz lead me straight to the middle of the dance floor where my date is dancing with another girl. SMH at this point. While I have every right to be mad, I’m not.PAUSE ( For the record I look good! Every hair is in place, lipgloss poppin, four inch stilettos, somebody cue Fabulous’ You Be Killen Em) So I’m just kind of looking at them like Really? Maybe it was because the girl was nappy headed and had nothing on me as far as I was concerned, so no real cause to be alarmed. It was more pitiful than anything. Or maybe it was because I knew his dancing machine hyper ass was shaking his tail somewhere all along. So I stand there till my date looks up and sees us, at which point he dismisses ol girl.
I had one of two options…catch a nasty attitude and leave the club we just got to even though I wanted to party, or just be like fugg it , deal with his trifling ass later, and have a good time. I chose fugg it and have a good time, but at the end of the day I still had to ask myself…Where do they do this at???? What man takes an attractive fun woman that he's been dating for months on a date and leaves her so he can do his OWN thing?
As soon as we enter the club I feel a wave of heat hit me in my face. We start making our way through each floor which is beyond filled to capacity and feeling like a straight up zoo. I hadn’t been to this club in a looong time so I had to get my bearings. As we reached the second floor we run into his crew who I will call “Tha Boyz”. Tha Boyz are his family, h his homies, his everything. Him and the “Tha Boyz” literally go to this particular club every week so this is their spot! Ironically I used to be a regular in this place a few years back myself, but now realize why I stopped going. As we say our greetings to everyone, my wonderful date asks me if he can have fifteen minutes with “Tha Boyz”? Me being the “go with the flow cool chick” that I am just kind of said Okay No Problem, not really thinking about the ridiculousness of his request. So I took my I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T self, and proceeded through the club to see who I knew in the crowd. Lo and behold, I see someone I met in Miami over the summer that I had not seen since.
Mr. Miami invites me into his section and we’re laughing and joking and dancing. As we’re kicking it I feel ice grills on my front and back from some of the other women there. I’m looking at him like “Okay what’s going on here?” He’s like “Oh these are my co-workers and they’re hating blah blah blah.” The dude is a pretty attractive guy so I can see other women hating, BUUT I pay them no mind and we continue dancing and laughing. Well I guess the girl who was a bold hater had to size me up ,up close and personal, so she comes up to me and says, “Hi, how do you know my brother?” At this point I’m saying to myself, “ This girl can’t be serious!: But I smile politely and respond, “Oh we go waaaay back, “and continue dancing. She then goes” Oh ,well what’s your name?” Again I smile politely and say “Hi my name is Amber,” Of course I am lying about my real name because after all who is this Beesh and why is she all up in my business!! She proceeds to tell me her name, which is ironically, MY REAL NAME! Whew so glad I lied. Smh. At this point I’m like okay enough time has passed, where is my date , this place is crazy! I am started to get slightly ticked off for even leaving him so he could hang with the boys that he lives with and sees every single night of the week, while I’m left alone in this jungle called a club.
So as I make my way therough the crowd looking for him I see THA BOYZ on the bar. My date is nowhere in sight so I ask his best friend where his boy is. He points to the dance floor but I don’t see him in the crowd. I just chill with them for a few on the bar. When they move I move with them so I don’t get lost in the maze, and we go downstairs. Tha Boyz lead me straight to the middle of the dance floor where my date is dancing with another girl. SMH at this point. While I have every right to be mad, I’m not.PAUSE ( For the record I look good! Every hair is in place, lipgloss poppin, four inch stilettos, somebody cue Fabulous’ You Be Killen Em) So I’m just kind of looking at them like Really? Maybe it was because the girl was nappy headed and had nothing on me as far as I was concerned, so no real cause to be alarmed. It was more pitiful than anything. Or maybe it was because I knew his dancing machine hyper ass was shaking his tail somewhere all along. So I stand there till my date looks up and sees us, at which point he dismisses ol girl.
I had one of two options…catch a nasty attitude and leave the club we just got to even though I wanted to party, or just be like fugg it , deal with his trifling ass later, and have a good time. I chose fugg it and have a good time, but at the end of the day I still had to ask myself…Where do they do this at???? What man takes an attractive fun woman that he's been dating for months on a date and leaves her so he can do his OWN thing?
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