TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE SOMEONE WITH CHILDREN?

As a single person without kids, the question always comes up as to whether or not one can or should date someone who has a child or children. I think that each situation is unique and one should examine themselves first and foremost to see if dating someone with kids is right for them. Let's be honest, past a certain age, almost everyone you meet, male or female, will have a child or two, so it may be inevitable at some point, however, what if you are not at that age or point yet? What do you do?

I recall dating an ex boyfriend when I was 24 who had a two year old son who lived in Texas while I was fancy, free, and childless in Maryland. While I grew to love his son when he did have occasion to visit on holidays and birthdays, I knew that my situation was not one that everyone could or should deal with. I babysat when my ex was at work, I fed,bathed, clothed and generally cared for and entertained him as I would my own two year old, however, what if I didn't want to or feel like it that day?

 I personally feel that children do not ask to be born , and all children should be shown the loving kindness that one would bestow upon their own child, so for me the decision to accept my ex's son was simple. He was my ex's so therefore an extension of him, if I loved my ex I had to love his child. I guess it didn't hurt that his son was as smart and adorable as could be; had he been a little older or a teenager, I don't know how I would have felt, however, I do know that I would have put forth the effort to make him feel loved and welcomed.  

Fast forward six years and I am still not married nor do I have children, yet after my experience with my ex I realized that I prefer NOT to date a man with kid(s) again, not even so much because of the child, but because of the baby mama drama that I went through that left a bad taste in my mouth. However, just because that is my preference now doesn't mean I will NEVER date a man with children again even though as of right now my limit is probably only someone with one child. If I had a child of my own my outlook would probably be different entirely ,and I would prefer to ONLY date men with children whose lives they were active in and we could be one big blended Brady Bunch Family! I also know I wouldn't be able to seriously date a man who showed little to no interest in my children or getting to know them/helping me once we had established a stable and monogomous relationship.

After having a recent conversation with a friend of mine who is dating a woman with two children and who is pondering if this is something he is ready for for a lifetime, since he does not have any children of his own, I have to ask when do you know if you are ready to date someone with children if you don't have any of your own?

 Is it selfish to not want to date someone with children or should you just go for it and plan on loving the child selflessly as you do your partner ?  

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND EXPERIENCES ON DATING SOMEONE WITH CHILDREN!

HOW BEING SUPERFICIAL KEPT ME SINGLE!

How Being Superficial Kept Me Single
by TyKnighten  author of The Sexy Single Mommy blog!

As I look back over the course of my life and the men that I have dated and the ones that I dissed, dogged or simply ignored because I was so busy looking at the exterior that I didn't take the time, to look at his interior, I have to wonder if I would be happily married by now. Although I know this to have been a problem in my past, I am still repeating the same patterns today, at 40 years old...
Ms. Too Damn Superficial...that's me!There are men who I dated...one of which I was in love with and who I know loved me unconditionally that I broke up with because I felt that he was too old to NOT have his shit together. Many a friend told me that I he just needed the right woman behind him to get him on track. My response was always, "I'm not THAT woman!" I was so busy looking at what he DIDN'T have that I ignored all of the qualities that he DID have and many of those qualities were ones that you would want in a life partner.
After I broke up with him, I got with my son's sperm donor who HAD all of the material things that I THOUGHT a man should have but his character was fucked up!Even after breaking up with him andhaving a child, my ex and I remained friends and he was even willing to take us BOTH into his life and raise my son as his own but, true to fashion, I turned him down, still believing that he had to have XYZ in order for me to get back with him. SMH!

Years later, after I had surgery on my foot, he took the train to my house (he still didn't have a car), stayed the weekend, did my laundry, cleaned my house, cooked, rearranged my linen closet and hung out with my son and tended to me and I was STILL so stupid to be hung up on the things that he didn't have, that I still didn't give him the time of day while he was here, choosing to spend time in my room...watching TV and being dumb and ungrateful! And the crazy part of it all was that there was not ONE guy that I had dealt with that had all the shit that I thought was needed in order for me to be with them, that I could have called that would have done what my ex did. Ain't that some shit?
The moral to this story, for all of you who are out there looking for a man who has this long laundry list of what material things that you think a man should have in order for him to be THE ONE, learn from my mistakes. It's not always about what a man has or doesn't have but how well he treats you. If you can depend on him when things get rough, if he is willing to do whatever he can to make you happy, shows you that he cares and has a good character and a loving heart DON'T throw him out or discount him in order to waste your time with a bullshit ass man!The ones that are fine, nice bodies, nice cars, houses, good jobs and good dicks but are shallow as hell are NOT the ones that you want to even waste your time on because all thatAll that glitters is not gold and dicks come a dime a dozen and you still have change!

Don't ignore the man who isn't physically appealing to the eye, who may need to work out a bit or
who may be doing "bad" at the moment. Hell, no one is perfect and neither are you! Give people
a chance and believe it or not, a man who is worthy of your time will prove it to you, Just be patient and don't be superficial...like me!

READ MORE BY THE SEXY SINGLE MOM HERE! http://thesexysinglemommy.net/tag/single-mom/

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DATING DISASTER

Dear Diary,

Malik and I met at a wine festival a few months ago and never had the time to get together. We finally decided to meet over dinner and go bowling after on Saturday evening. Malik came by my house as promised to pick me up which I thought was nice. When I got in the car I was a little turned off by his conversation which lacked depth since he was a scientist and had intelligent phone convo, but it wasn't a big deal. We made it to dinner and had a good time laughing and just talking about each other's lives. After dinner we had previously discussed going bowling, but he then said that his cousin and his boys wanted to go to the club and that I should come with them. I was a little ticked off at this point, because the club was not what I had planned to do that night, plus wasn't really interested in meeting his cousin and friends, but whatever, I decided to go along with it. We had to drive about forty minutes to his cousin's house from the resturant which is where the crew was meeting, and I got out the car and proceeded to almost fall out the car because my heel got caught in the sidewalk. Malik rushed around to help me up and we laughed our way into the house.

 When we got inside there are about five of his friends and his cousin inside chillin and getting ready for the club. We lingered about thirty minutes waiting for them to get ready and then decided to head out. AS I was walking down the step to get to the front door I tripped and slid down the stairs! Yes I slipped twice! To make matters worse when I got up and looked at my shoe I noticed something brown on the bottom of it. I took the shoe off and sniffed it and smelled..yes smelled, DOO DOO! I don't know whose or what's Doo Doo it was but I immediatley threw the shoe down and yelled to Malik that something was on my shoe! He told his cousin who picked it up and smelled it and said that his little two year old daughter hadn't been there in a few weeks so it shouldn't have been her DOO. Wait what - why would your child's doo be on the bottom of the step anyway..wth! I was totally pissed and annoyed at this point so after the boys rinsed off my shoe I told Malik to take me home because the club was NOT where I needed to be that night before something worse happened!

WHEN TO MEET THE PARENTS??

I remember it like it was yesterday. My ex boyfriend and I had been dating for about two weeks, dating as in hanging out, we had not had the exclusive convo yet, when he turned to me in his car and said, “ Let’s go by my mom’s house”. “Umm are you sure about that?” was my reply. “Well she lives right down the street from where we are, and I know she cooked dinner, so let’s go eat with her.” OMG. I thought to myself! I  DO NOT want to go to this guy’s house and meet his mother! Not yet!  I mean, we just started dating two weeks ago, weren’t we jumping the gun a little?

At that time, meeting parents meant something to me; it meant that this guy was ready for something serious, something exclusive, and something permanent. While I liked him, I still wasn’t sure I was in Hey Let’s Meet our Families territory just yet. I was never the” Fall Head Over Heels” for a guy, no matter how cute, the first week kind of girl. Sure I got excited, and I wondered about potential relationship possibilities, BUT the rational part of me always cautioned me to slooow down when first meeting a guy and let him show and prove.

 As our relationship progressed and as our dinners at Mommy Dearests’ house became weekly, because we did decide to become a couple after a few months (He showed and proved!) I pondered this meeting the family early thing.

After talking to several girlfriends who had not met any family members after dating someone for months and in once case over a year, yet claimed they had a boyfriend, I wondered if meeting the family really meant anything at all, or if it meant something for some people and not others? Like did some men only bring “The One” around their family, especially their mothers, or did others just bring any and everyone around the family, so meeting them was in reality no big deal? I remembered having play brothers who brought a different girl over their family’s house for different Holidays (in the same year), and then others who never introduced anyone to their immediate family unless they were dang near ready to marry her.  This led to me to wonder, when do you introduce your children to your mate or meet theirs, if at all? I met my ex’s son early on into our relationship and I immediately fell in love with  him, but what if you are not sure you see a future with the person? Should you meet the kids at all?

What Do you Think? Does meeting a potential Mate’s parents before a Title is given indicate that he is serious about getting exclusive with you? If things are serious, how soon is too soon to meet the family? Is there such a thing?

SOUR GRAPES!

Dear Diary,

I met Stan on Facebook, yes Facebook. One day I received an inbox from him stating that he found me attractive and wanted to get to know me a little better. I really wasn't all that interested in a Facebook PenPal but when he inboxed me Hello or Bible Scriptures over the passing weeks, I politely responded back.  After a length of time had passed I informed him that I really was not interested in a PenPal since he never once asked me out on a date, and that while he seemed nice, I would be moving on.

He became haughty and promptly asked me if I was available to go out the next day for dinner. I told him that I was available and asked him where did he want to go to eat. He suggested Friday's, which kind of turned me off and I politely declined. He then said that he was open to suggestions and that I could choose a place to go eat. I suggested that we eat at a local sushi spot. He said okay.

Later on in the day I got a call from him and he said that he had a chance to look at the menu and that he was allergic to the food on it so he could not eat there. I said, "Wait, so are you allergic to ALL FOOD because there are non-seafood items on the menu, ie. chicken, etc. " He said No he wasn't but that we could go meet and walk around the National Harbor instead.  By this point, I knew dude was being cheap or was just flat broke, and my already low interest level plummeted into the negative zone . I politely declined for the second time that day and told him to have a nice evening.

After hanging up the phone I got a barrage of texts from him, professed " Christian" about how I was stuck up and how dare I decline his National Harbor invitation knowing we would have eventually gotten dinner there, and that he was appalled at me, and that was why women like me were single, blah blah blah " I just pressed DELETE, DELETE, DELETE, and went on about my life!

THE THIRST IS REAL!

 

 

Dear Diary,

 

So I met this dude a couple a weeks ago at this Happy Hour after work with a friend at Bay Street lounge. We danced and had a good time. So when he asked for my number, I gave it to him (I figure more dates the better for me, right?!?! ) Of course, he texted me that night to make sure I got home safe which I thought was nice. Then Saturday morning, he texted with a, " Hi, Good Morning," and I replied back. We went back and forth with the texting but I had to cut it short because I had to work my part-time that morning.

 

That Saturday night I wasn't feeling well at all and just wanted to stay home and watch TV.  I didn't feel like being bothered with ANYONE! First 'ol boy called me at 8:30PM - I didn't answer; then again at 10:20PM , I still did not answer,  then he texted me at 12:30AM with a "You Up" and then Sunday morning text at 9:20AM with "Good Morning." I knew right then and there I was dealing with a thristy dude. Horrible. I never replied or returned his calls. I figured if I ignore his azz he would take the hint. DEAD WRONG. He hit me up again Monday morningwith a text "Good morning, how are you?" So me being nice, I reply back," Hey Nick, Im fine how are you?" I  thought maybe I was overreacting and being too hard on dude. Give him a chance, right? DEAD WRONG. 

 

He then responds back "I am fine, send me a pic." TOO THIRSTYYYY. I was like AHHHHHHH, gotta get rid of this dude ASAP. His eagerness and lack of swag was turning me off. Then I remember reading this article on blackgirlsareeasy.com on Thristy AZZ DUDES.    In the article, it states that as a woman, if you want to get rid of a thirsty ass niggga, you can't BE NICE. The BISH...gotta come out. Of course it made sense and I knew what I had to do to get rid of this clown.

So of course I didn't reply to his weird "send me a pic" text message. The following Tuesday he hits me up and I am like WOWWWW he really doesn't get the hint.   At that point the BISH just came out on him. I texted back "STOP TEXTING and calling my phone" "I am NOT interested." And it worked. He stopped. Haven't heard from his azz since. Talk about straight comedyyyy and being thristyyy.

 

 

What would you do???

MISTAKEN IDENTITY!

Dear Diary,

I met a young lady about six months ago while out with friends. After we struck up a brief conversation I invited her out to eat at a local eatery. Before our meal arrived we exchanged small talk. She was very attractive, but after waiting for over 20 minutes our food still had not arrived. I was getting impatient and I could see that she was too. When the waitress finally arrived with our food my date was very rude and nasty to her, and it just completely turned me off. Don’t get me wrong, I hate to wait too, but how someone treats other people is a huge indication of character to me and I really did not want to be bothered with her after that. We finished dinner and went our separate ways.  We may have exchanged a few casual texts after that, but I never asked her out again.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago and some friends and I went to the bar for a drink and I see the young lady. When I saw her I smiled and waved and she gave me the ice grill. Hmm that’s strange I thought, wonder what her issue is. As the night went on, I saw her a few more times and each time she looked at me like she wanted to kill me.  Finally, I walked up to her and asked her (in a friendly way of course) what I had done to offend her and was she okay? She looked me up and down and spat out, “What did you do? So typical, after men get the ass they carry you like you never existed!”  “What? I said looking at her like she was crazy.” You do realize we NEVER slept together right??? What are you talking about?” She stopped, paused, looked at me and said she had to go to the bathroom and ran off. Of course she ducked and dodged me for the rest of the night.  All I could do was shake my head and laugh. For once, I did nothing wrong. I hope she remembers who she slept with next time!

MR. BAR GUY

Dear Diary,

This past weekend Amanda and I randomly wound up at Friday's by my house after a birthday party for drinks.We were casually sitting on the bar, talking and sipping our drinks, when across the bar a tall cutie caught my eye.  He was over six feet tall , smooth dark complexion, with a slim athletic build. I made eye contact with him and quickly looked away. During round two of our drinks, the waiter tapped me on the shoulder and slid me a piece of paper. I look at him quizzically and he says, "That guy over there" and points to tall cutie. I lifted my glass and smiled at him and he smiled back. Amanda and I were talking to some other guys on the bar so cutie stayed where he was and I decided to call him the following day.

The following day I called cutie and found out that his name is Brian. We exchanged the usual pleasantries getting to know each other convo. I, of course, asked if he was single, he said yes, he was actually divorced and the father of two. This caused  a slight red flag for ME since I have never been married or had children, but I was not going to say anything just yet. He explained to me how him and his wife met online on a whim, and married a month after meeting. They were both in the military and moved around alot for their careers. I engaged him in more small talk. He then asked me if I had children, and if I wanted any. I told him no , I didn' t have any, but wanted some one day, then silence. "Hello, Hello" I said into the phone. Are you still there? "Umm yea" he said, "but just so you know, I've had a vasectomy." " Ummm okay," I replied.

At this point I'm thinking why do I care if he had a vasectomy or not? I don't recall asking him to father my future children, but I went along with it.  "Aren't they reversible?" I ask. "Yea, something like that," he mumbled. From there the conversation went downhill and he sort of rushed me off the phone. Odd, I thought hanging up.

The next afternoon I texted Brian just to say hello. He responded hours later with a brief response. Okay I guess this guy was expecting me to marry him and want to have his babies, since he went from hot to cold after telling me about the vasectomy. I deleted his number out of my phone never to hear from him again.

What gave? Are men afraid of women who don't have children wanting to have their babies???

A DATE TO REMEMBER!

Dear Diary,

After reading numerous dating diary entries on this site, one would start to wonder….has dating in this modern age gone to S*%$?!?!? From horrible first dates, weird encounters, Facebook arguing, being put in the “grayed” zone and a date that turned into a trio, I can see women as well as men becoming cynical when it comes to dating one another today. And I know sometimes things can happen “out of left field” that can leave you speechless and unprepared when a date takes a bad turn, but please do not let it discourage your dating lifestyle. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know what I needed to do in order to have a healthy dating life. And here is my story….. After a few bad dating experiences I had in the past, I wanted to take a different approach when it came to dating for 2013. A friend of mine, convinced me to tryout a speed dating event. I heard of speed dating before but never consider doing it but, hey, it’s a new year and time to step outside my comfort zone and try new things, plus it might be fun. Well to make a long story short, I had the best “15” first dates any woman could ask for. I went into this speed dating event with no expectations and an open mind. Surprisingly, I met a lot of interesting people. Both the ladies and the guys were cool and chill. Everyone was just having a good time socializing and getting to know one another. And of course I had a few connections with a couple of the guys that lead to actual dates.

My most recent date was with a guy name Eric. We had an instant connection during the speed dating event and exchanged numbers. We communicated a few times on the phone to get to know one another, however, between are hectic schedules, finding time to go on a date wasn’t easy. Final, we both had a free opening to have a date, but the time and location was still in the air.I told him I would let him take the lead on picking a time and place. So, throughout the week, Eric was asking me what type of food I like and making sure I was still game for our date. The day of our date, I received an invitation text message to accompany him to Grace’s restaurant in Bowie, MD at 7:30PM. Talk about a sweet cute gesture.I met him at the restaurant and we had a good time. The conversation was genuine, the food was good and he didn’t do anything out the ordinary that would make me go hmmmmmm. He was a gentleman. At the end, he walked me to my car we hugged goodnight and made sure we texted each other once we both were home.

When I arrived home, I felt so at peace within myself. I went into this dating experience with no expectations and no pressure. I didn’t look at Eric as the next “boo” in my life but more as a potential friend that I am getting to know. Hence the key words, “getting to know.” A lot of people do not know how to “get to know” someone which leads to terrible dating disaster and bad relationships. Whether we become an item or not is far from my mind right now. I am just enjoying the journey of dating and getting to know someone without any pressure. I have a few more dates line up with other new guys and I can honestly say I am having a good time in my dating life and I hope it continues.

IF IT'S REALLY LOVE......

Dear Diary ,

My boy Shawn and I were hanging out one day and he told me he had someone he wanted me to meet.  “ Who?” I asked him. He said her name was Lisa and she was friends with his wife Sherry. She lives in upstate New York he said but she seems like your type and really cool people. What the hell, I thought, I would meet her just as a courtesy to my boy and his wife. So the following weekend I drove from DC to New York City to meet up with Shawn, Sherry, and Lisa who was driving down to the city from Rochester, New York. We decided to meet at a little jazz spot around Times Square. When Lisa walked in with Sherry I was struck by her height and natural beauty. She had very little makeup on and was flawless from head to toe. I smiled and gave her a warm embrace and we all sat down for the show. The evening turned out to be best blind date of my life. I was 31 at the time and Lisa was 26. She was very warm and had a great sense of humour. The conversation just flowed. By the end of the night we had exchanged numbers and were talking about meeting up the following weekend in Canada for a weekend getaway.

The following weekend I met Lisa in Canada as planned and we did a tour of Niagara Falls and then drove around the rest of the city taking in the sights. At the end of the weekend, I knew that Lisa was someone special. I would not find out how special until 28 days later!  When I returned to DC and Lisa returned to New York, we continued to talk to one another on the phone every day. At the end of the following month Lisa asked me if it was okay if she visited me in DC. I told her of course. On the last weekend of the month while Lisa and I were eating dinner that I had prepared for us at my house, she asked me to MARRY HER.

Yes, SHE ASKED me to MARRY HER! I was dumbfounded of course and thought she was joking, but when I looked in her eyes I could see that she was serious! I knew this woman was special and I didn’t want to lose her so I told her YES!!  After accepting the proposal we decided that we would each apply for jobs in each other’s cities and whoever got a job first, then that is where we would live. As it turned out, Lisa got a job offer first in DC, so we decided to make DC our home and that is the story of how I met my wife!

THREE'S COMPANY!

Dear Diary,

 

My girl Tina decided that she wanted to hook me up once again with the friend of a friend last week. I reluctantly went along with it, why not I thought to myself, I may meet a nice friend if nothing else. So last night, "Mr. New Friend" asked me if I wanted to meet him at this resturant Zengha Chloe for Happy Hour after work in D.C. I said Sure ,no problem. I told him that I got off work at 5:00 and could be there at 5:15 since I worked so close to Zengha. He said that he could just pick me up after work since he worked close to me as well. Thinking this was a nice gesture, I agreed.   After I got in the car, he said he had to make a stop. I'm thinking okay maybe he has to get gas or maybe even some gum at a convenience store.WRONG!

 

He proceeds to the Verizon Center and said he had to drop off Wizards tickets to his friend. I still don't think anything of it because the Verizon Center is very close to Zengha Chloe.  However, when we get to the Verizon Center, instead of getting out of the car, he sits there and calls his boy. His boy walks up to the car five minutes later and gets in the backseat. I say hi to the friend and am thinking that he is going to drop his boy off at the train. UMM NO , his friend proceeds to walk into Zengha Chloe with us! At this point, I'm pissed because why are three of us out on a first date together?? Who does this?? We order drinks and light appetizers and make painful, akward, small talk. At the end of the meal, "Mr. New Friend" proceeds to tell me that he doesn't feel like driving me back to my car at work because he has already paid for parking underneath the Verizon Center and him and his boy are staying to watch the Wizards game that night. Inside I am fuming, but I am holding it all together when he says that. He then offers for him and his boy to WALK me the few blocks to my car. When we get to my car he asks me for a ride BACK to the Verizon Center so he can catch the game.  I look at him like he's crazy, get in the car, and speed off. Needless to say I never saw or spoke to that loser again.

CRAZY IS AS CRAZY DOES!!

 

Dear Diary,

I dated a man off and on for over four years, and we will say the relationship was tumultuous at best. He recently posted a message on FB on his birthday stating that he was having a bad day and that everything sucked. To be nice, I sent a birthday message and below is what transpired…..

ME: I am sorry you had a bad birthday. I hope the last few hours turn around. Wishing you the best.

HIM: Whatever

ME: No, seriously, I am sorry. I just mentioned that it was your birthday to our boy Don. I hope it gets better.

HIM: Don't talk about me

ME: Don't worry, I never will again. I hope you have a great life.

HIM: I do, thanks!

After this exchange I proceed to de-friend MR.EX and move on with my life. Below is the message I received from him after I did this.

HIM:Think your big and bad erasing me as a friend? I could give a fuck less! You meant nothing in my life anyways. Go and suck and fuck your boy XXX. Yeah I knew about that. Your a fuckin slut like all these other bitches. Glad I didn't stay with you.

ME: How dare you??? I have never done anything to you. EVER. I tried to be nice and wish you a happy birthday because you seemed like you were having a bad day and you come back with this shit. Are you crazy??? I have always been respectful to you and you have the nerve to call me a slut. Fuck you. You are absolutely delusional if you think I would stay with someone who couldn't stay away from cocaine and alcohol and then say the bullshit you do. If I am a slut then you're a fucking loser and a nobody. And based on your response you do give a fuck. I was trying to be nice and you come and say this. Of course I would defriend you, first you threaten to hurt me, call me a monkey and then a slut. Wow. I know your mother and father are so proud of you now and what you have become which is a nobody. I can't believe I would ever think I could love you and want you in my life when you have the nerve to say all this shit. You are an ass and you can go and fuck yourself for all I care. Just leave me alone.

HIM :You're right. I apologize. God Bless. Im different now, you just caught me on a bad day.I really am sorry. Your A good woman. You'll make a man Happy one day

ME: No you're not. You're such an ass .You say this shit to me all the time when I am being nice to you. I am just shocked an appalled that I dated you, told people I loved you. I am stupid for ever being with you.

HIM: First of all, I changed my life, Ive been stopped all that shit and I live on my own! Have been for over four years now. I'm a grown ass man that makes 100,000 plus a year. And my girlfriend is beautiful and I never cheat on her. So I'm a Sombeody!

HIM : Second, I said I apologize. I was def wrong, I was being an asshole.

HIM:If I burned our bridge forever, I apologize .Ill still think of you and pray for you and your family.

HIM :I'm sorry, I feel like an ass right now

ME:You should feel like an ass because you are. You need to get your temper together. Bridges were burned years ago because of your behavior. I just wanted to be nice. I'm glad you have a gf and never cheat on her. I'm sorry it took you almost 29 years to get it right and that you had to hurt lots of people in the process. You truly do make me disgusted. I can't believe my stupidity.

HIM: OK. I would feel the same way if I were you. Just wanted you to know-you were a part of my life and you were always kind to me. I wil never forget you no matter what happens in my life. I was immature just earlier, I had a terrible day and I saw your message at the wrong time. Take care, I won't bother you, but I have feeling we will cross paths in the future at like Homecoming or something, you never know. Anyways, take care and be safe.

ME:Look I don't care about your apology and your excuse that you had a bad day is utter bullshit. You are the epitome of an asshole. I never had the courage to tell you about yourself when we were together, but I do now. You can maybe lie to your new gf but you will never be able to lie to me. By your response I can tell you haven't changed. You're he same dude who would get fucked out of his head get in his feelings say some off the wall bullshit and have to then beg for forgiveness the next day after being a roided nutcake all night. Your responses shows nothing has changed. I don't need, want or desire your apology. I truly wanted to say happy birthday because not even my worst enemy or scum of the earth deserve to have a bad bday. But all you did was prove that your still a hot headed nobody who could of been a somebody.

HIM:Whatever Bitch! Bye

So, the moral of the story is once you stop associating with CRAZY, leave it alone. Crazy people will never change they will forever be crazy and psycho no matter how nice, pretty or generous you are.

CRAZY IS AS CRAZY DOES!!

 

DO CLUBS AND SIGNIFICANT OTHERS MIX?

I can’t even lie. Throughout my 20’s I have gotten it in!! Gotten it in meaning, I have popped bottles with the best of em, have been to every party DC has had to offer, Miami, Atlanta, and a few states in between ,everything from Homecomings, to All Star Games to wining and dining with celebrities, your girl has been the Club Queen! I also will admit to loving every minute of it. Yep, that’s right- I loved nothing more than getting all done up and heading out to a night out on the town with my girls where we literally danced the night away! Now me and my girls, we are the Dancers. We don’t go to parties to stand around and look “cute” or act shy, if the music is playing , please believe we are Wobbling, Backing it Up, Two Stepping, and Pop Lock and Dropping It! All in the name of fun! We go out to have a good time, not to meet men .

 Now that my Roaring Twenties are coming to a rapid close I must admit that I am becoming the person with whom I never identified, yes the person who does not HAVE to be in the club every weekend like it’s a second job! LOL. My mother told me it would slow down in my late 20’s and she was right! Nowadays, the effort required to get dressed, race to DC, and then come home at some Godforsaken hour to do it all again the next night, just does not appeal to me as much. Afterall, the scene now is drastically different, a lot of the “hot spots” in DC that we went to are no longer open or the crowd is just far too young, or in some cases too old. I find myself still enjoying the scene on a special occasion like a birthday, or of course if someone has a table, but to go “out”  just to go ..wellll it’s not that serious for me anymore. I would much rather be home relaxing or doing something equally fun but chill, or even not so chill, be with a boo thang, or just reading a good book, especially in these winter months!  I’m even at the point where I prefer to party with a Significant Other than without. Now this of course is if he likes to dance , if he doesn’t , no point in torturing him on a dance floor. I’ve actually only seriously dated one guy who loved to dance as much as me and was actually a great dancer. We had this crazy magnetic chemistry on the dance floor and would be in our own little world. We didn’t club together often, but when we did it was great.

 I always admired those older couples that still go out dancing with each other every week. If anyone used to be a chronic frequenter of Club Love in Washington, DC or The Park,then they would have noticed this older couple who would literally be in the club every weekend with us young folk. I remember thinking what the hell are they doing in here, they seem so out of place, but when someone asked them they said all of their kids were grown and they both just loved to dance with each other and used to go out and dance the night away "back in the day". I said well if that’s what makes them happy and how they keep their bond tight, who am I to judge?? With that being said I looked back over my clubbing experience and realized my best clubbing days have been done mainly with my girls because either a.) I was single or B.)My guy didn't like to dance and couldn't dance even if he tried or, C.) My guy preferred to go to the club weekly with his boys without me. 

 

 My question is- At what point do you party with your Significant Other or do clubs and boyfriends/girlfriends and boo thangs NOT  mix?  

Share your stories!





 

YOU'VE BEEN GRAYED!!

I remember when I met HIM! It wasn’t planned or anything like that, kind of sort of just happened. We began dating casually enough and it felt exhilarating, fun, exciting, and care-free! In fact I was glad it was light because I had recently ended a relationship and didn’t want the emotional responsibility of another serious relationship so soon. I’m not sure of the exact moment, date, or time, when my feelings for HIM began to change. I was starting to get excited in anticipation of seeing him, and would be disappointed if our schedules did not permit us to see one another. I just had so much fun in his presence and was just happy and didn’t have to worry or focus on the other issues going on in my  life. He didn’t bring up the possibility of more and neither did I, even though my feelings were getting more intense  as time wore on, and this was new to me because I was not one to fall HARD for ANY man AT ALL.  .

One day after HIM and I had been dating for several months, one of my girls asked what we were. You know , what are you guys doing? Are you "going together or not? "Well, I mean I guess I don’t know," I replied. Technically we spent a lot of time together, but it was also pretty clear we were not in an exclusive situation. I knew my feelings for this guy were very INTENSE, but I also was seeing signs that maybe he was not ready for a relationship, so why force it right? I have never been one to be  unsure as to where I stood with a guy, so how was this whole “ What are we ?" conversation  supposed to take place? I remember casually mentioning to him the possibility of an exclusive relationship while hearing my mother’s words echoed in the back of my head, “ When it’s right you just KNOW” . I pined for him and wanted him to commit willingly and not due to some crazy ultimatum on my part.

Looking back on that scenario I realized I had been GRAYED. Yes, GRAYED!! Grayed essentially describes when someone puts you in THE GRAY ZONE. You act like a couple/feel like a couple, but they have not officially claimed you nor you them. The Gray Zone is synonymous to torture if you don’t distance yourself. I say this because you will always feel something in the back of your head knawing at you, prompting you to want more, and also prompting you to leave because the “Relationship “ has now become unbalanced. I’m not speaking of the “ get to know you “ phase where you are evaluating each other as potential suitors, I’m speaking of the “ You know that you like and want to be exclusive with this person” phase and wonder if he wants the same thing. You want something the other person doesn’t or is not ready to give. The Gray Zone can cause you to act crazy and become very raw emotionally. I find many many women in this zone time and time again. Men can be put in the gray zone as well, and quite a few have been there, BUT men just seem to be better at moving out of it faster. However, myself and many women I know have wallowed in this zone for months and sometimes years, hoping, wishing and praying this man will choose us! For all of those who have been GRAYED a time or two in their life, I say Learn the Lesson and Move on. 

At some point you are worth more than someone’s GRAY Zone, and after you have decided you can’t leave fate in THEIR hands any longer while they “decide if they are ready ” , you pack up your bags and leave.  Maybe, just maybe, you will meet someone who will fall for you at the same time that you fall for them. 

Have any of you ever been in the "GRAY ZONE"? What did it feel like and what did you do?