Friday, October 4, 2013
TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE SOMEONE WITH CHILDREN?
As a single person without kids, the question always comes up as to whether or not one can or should date someone who has a child or children. I think that each situation is unique and one should examine themselves first and foremost to see if dating someone with kids is right for them. Let's be honest, past a certain age, almost everyone you meet, male or female, will have a child or two, so it may be inevitable at some point, however, what if you are not at that age or point yet? What do you do?
I recall dating an ex boyfriend when I was 24 who had a two year old son who lived in Texas while I was fancy, free, and childless in Maryland. While I grew to love his son when he did have occasion to visit on holidays and birthdays, I knew that my situation was not one that everyone could or should deal with. I babysat when my ex was at work, I fed,bathed, clothed and generally cared for and entertained him as I would my own two year old, however, what if I didn't want to or feel like it that day?
I personally feel that children do not ask to be born , and all children should be shown the loving kindness that one would bestow upon their own child, so for me the decision to accept my ex's son was simple. He was my ex's so therefore an extension of him, if I loved my ex I had to love his child. I guess it didn't hurt that his son was as smart and adorable as could be; had he been a little older or a teenager, I don't know how I would have felt, however, I do know that I would have put forth the effort to make him feel loved and welcomed.
Fast forward six years and I am still not married nor do I have children, yet after my experience with my ex I realized that I prefer NOT to date a man with kid(s) again, not even so much because of the child, but because of the baby mama drama that I went through that left a bad taste in my mouth. However, just because that is my preference now doesn't mean I will NEVER date a man with children again even though as of right now my limit is probably only someone with one child. If I had a child of my own my outlook would probably be different entirely ,and I would prefer to ONLY date men with children whose lives they were active in and we could be one big blended Brady Bunch Family! I also know I wouldn't be able to seriously date a man who showed little to no interest in my children or getting to know them/helping me once we had established a stable and monogomous relationship.
After having a recent conversation with a friend of mine who is dating a woman with two children and who is pondering if this is something he is ready for for a lifetime, since he does not have any children of his own, I have to ask when do you know if you are ready to date someone with children if you don't have any of your own?
Is it selfish to not want to date someone with children or should you just go for it and plan on loving the child selflessly as you do your partner ?
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND EXPERIENCES ON DATING SOMEONE WITH CHILDREN!
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I do not have children, nor have I dated anyone with children in the past. I firmly believe variables such as your love for the person with a child play a huge factor whether one will date a person with a child or not. Some people may prefer to date without the worry of the child. If the person is awesome, why not right? Especially if the child is a good catch as your past experience. Thanks for sharing, one love!
ReplyDeletePersonally I think it's a matter of choice, depending on how each person deal with children as well. For example I think that personally I wouldn't mind if he had children, but I don't know how I would be able to take care of it, since I don't have any of my own. However, besides the children factor, as you said, there is the baby mama factor. You should understand there is another woman that will always be in his life, and who would maybe not trust you or/and make your life more difficult. However, if there is no baby mama drama and you are children person, then dating someone with children might be a great experience!!
ReplyDeleteHave a look on my blog, I explore many dating issues as well: www.newcitygirlondating.blogspot.co.uk
I felt the same way prior to having a child of my own. I felt it was too difficult to date a man with a child because I knew the child would of course would be his first priority. I had no issues with this at all. However, when our dates were interrupted or canceled, I knew it was a wrap. The baby mama drama did not exist in our relationship. So I constantly thanked GOD for that. I am not one to deal with conflict at all.
ReplyDeleteNow that I have my own child, I understand the difficulty of dating a man without a child.With my daughters schedule, colds here and there, it does push a man away. You have to love the person enough to be able to deal with his/her child and the other parent. If not, call it quits early before anyone becomes attached.