IF IT'S REALLY LOVE......

Dear Diary ,

My boy Shawn and I were hanging out one day and he told me he had someone he wanted me to meet.  “ Who?” I asked him. He said her name was Lisa and she was friends with his wife Sherry. She lives in upstate New York he said but she seems like your type and really cool people. What the hell, I thought, I would meet her just as a courtesy to my boy and his wife. So the following weekend I drove from DC to New York City to meet up with Shawn, Sherry, and Lisa who was driving down to the city from Rochester, New York. We decided to meet at a little jazz spot around Times Square. When Lisa walked in with Sherry I was struck by her height and natural beauty. She had very little makeup on and was flawless from head to toe. I smiled and gave her a warm embrace and we all sat down for the show. The evening turned out to be best blind date of my life. I was 31 at the time and Lisa was 26. She was very warm and had a great sense of humour. The conversation just flowed. By the end of the night we had exchanged numbers and were talking about meeting up the following weekend in Canada for a weekend getaway.

The following weekend I met Lisa in Canada as planned and we did a tour of Niagara Falls and then drove around the rest of the city taking in the sights. At the end of the weekend, I knew that Lisa was someone special. I would not find out how special until 28 days later!  When I returned to DC and Lisa returned to New York, we continued to talk to one another on the phone every day. At the end of the following month Lisa asked me if it was okay if she visited me in DC. I told her of course. On the last weekend of the month while Lisa and I were eating dinner that I had prepared for us at my house, she asked me to MARRY HER.

Yes, SHE ASKED me to MARRY HER! I was dumbfounded of course and thought she was joking, but when I looked in her eyes I could see that she was serious! I knew this woman was special and I didn’t want to lose her so I told her YES!!  After accepting the proposal we decided that we would each apply for jobs in each other’s cities and whoever got a job first, then that is where we would live. As it turned out, Lisa got a job offer first in DC, so we decided to make DC our home and that is the story of how I met my wife!

THREE'S COMPANY!

Dear Diary,

 

My girl Tina decided that she wanted to hook me up once again with the friend of a friend last week. I reluctantly went along with it, why not I thought to myself, I may meet a nice friend if nothing else. So last night, "Mr. New Friend" asked me if I wanted to meet him at this resturant Zengha Chloe for Happy Hour after work in D.C. I said Sure ,no problem. I told him that I got off work at 5:00 and could be there at 5:15 since I worked so close to Zengha. He said that he could just pick me up after work since he worked close to me as well. Thinking this was a nice gesture, I agreed.   After I got in the car, he said he had to make a stop. I'm thinking okay maybe he has to get gas or maybe even some gum at a convenience store.WRONG!

 

He proceeds to the Verizon Center and said he had to drop off Wizards tickets to his friend. I still don't think anything of it because the Verizon Center is very close to Zengha Chloe.  However, when we get to the Verizon Center, instead of getting out of the car, he sits there and calls his boy. His boy walks up to the car five minutes later and gets in the backseat. I say hi to the friend and am thinking that he is going to drop his boy off at the train. UMM NO , his friend proceeds to walk into Zengha Chloe with us! At this point, I'm pissed because why are three of us out on a first date together?? Who does this?? We order drinks and light appetizers and make painful, akward, small talk. At the end of the meal, "Mr. New Friend" proceeds to tell me that he doesn't feel like driving me back to my car at work because he has already paid for parking underneath the Verizon Center and him and his boy are staying to watch the Wizards game that night. Inside I am fuming, but I am holding it all together when he says that. He then offers for him and his boy to WALK me the few blocks to my car. When we get to my car he asks me for a ride BACK to the Verizon Center so he can catch the game.  I look at him like he's crazy, get in the car, and speed off. Needless to say I never saw or spoke to that loser again.

CRAZY IS AS CRAZY DOES!!

 

Dear Diary,

I dated a man off and on for over four years, and we will say the relationship was tumultuous at best. He recently posted a message on FB on his birthday stating that he was having a bad day and that everything sucked. To be nice, I sent a birthday message and below is what transpired…..

ME: I am sorry you had a bad birthday. I hope the last few hours turn around. Wishing you the best.

HIM: Whatever

ME: No, seriously, I am sorry. I just mentioned that it was your birthday to our boy Don. I hope it gets better.

HIM: Don't talk about me

ME: Don't worry, I never will again. I hope you have a great life.

HIM: I do, thanks!

After this exchange I proceed to de-friend MR.EX and move on with my life. Below is the message I received from him after I did this.

HIM:Think your big and bad erasing me as a friend? I could give a fuck less! You meant nothing in my life anyways. Go and suck and fuck your boy XXX. Yeah I knew about that. Your a fuckin slut like all these other bitches. Glad I didn't stay with you.

ME: How dare you??? I have never done anything to you. EVER. I tried to be nice and wish you a happy birthday because you seemed like you were having a bad day and you come back with this shit. Are you crazy??? I have always been respectful to you and you have the nerve to call me a slut. Fuck you. You are absolutely delusional if you think I would stay with someone who couldn't stay away from cocaine and alcohol and then say the bullshit you do. If I am a slut then you're a fucking loser and a nobody. And based on your response you do give a fuck. I was trying to be nice and you come and say this. Of course I would defriend you, first you threaten to hurt me, call me a monkey and then a slut. Wow. I know your mother and father are so proud of you now and what you have become which is a nobody. I can't believe I would ever think I could love you and want you in my life when you have the nerve to say all this shit. You are an ass and you can go and fuck yourself for all I care. Just leave me alone.

HIM :You're right. I apologize. God Bless. Im different now, you just caught me on a bad day.I really am sorry. Your A good woman. You'll make a man Happy one day

ME: No you're not. You're such an ass .You say this shit to me all the time when I am being nice to you. I am just shocked an appalled that I dated you, told people I loved you. I am stupid for ever being with you.

HIM: First of all, I changed my life, Ive been stopped all that shit and I live on my own! Have been for over four years now. I'm a grown ass man that makes 100,000 plus a year. And my girlfriend is beautiful and I never cheat on her. So I'm a Sombeody!

HIM : Second, I said I apologize. I was def wrong, I was being an asshole.

HIM:If I burned our bridge forever, I apologize .Ill still think of you and pray for you and your family.

HIM :I'm sorry, I feel like an ass right now

ME:You should feel like an ass because you are. You need to get your temper together. Bridges were burned years ago because of your behavior. I just wanted to be nice. I'm glad you have a gf and never cheat on her. I'm sorry it took you almost 29 years to get it right and that you had to hurt lots of people in the process. You truly do make me disgusted. I can't believe my stupidity.

HIM: OK. I would feel the same way if I were you. Just wanted you to know-you were a part of my life and you were always kind to me. I wil never forget you no matter what happens in my life. I was immature just earlier, I had a terrible day and I saw your message at the wrong time. Take care, I won't bother you, but I have feeling we will cross paths in the future at like Homecoming or something, you never know. Anyways, take care and be safe.

ME:Look I don't care about your apology and your excuse that you had a bad day is utter bullshit. You are the epitome of an asshole. I never had the courage to tell you about yourself when we were together, but I do now. You can maybe lie to your new gf but you will never be able to lie to me. By your response I can tell you haven't changed. You're he same dude who would get fucked out of his head get in his feelings say some off the wall bullshit and have to then beg for forgiveness the next day after being a roided nutcake all night. Your responses shows nothing has changed. I don't need, want or desire your apology. I truly wanted to say happy birthday because not even my worst enemy or scum of the earth deserve to have a bad bday. But all you did was prove that your still a hot headed nobody who could of been a somebody.

HIM:Whatever Bitch! Bye

So, the moral of the story is once you stop associating with CRAZY, leave it alone. Crazy people will never change they will forever be crazy and psycho no matter how nice, pretty or generous you are.

CRAZY IS AS CRAZY DOES!!

 

DO CLUBS AND SIGNIFICANT OTHERS MIX?

I can’t even lie. Throughout my 20’s I have gotten it in!! Gotten it in meaning, I have popped bottles with the best of em, have been to every party DC has had to offer, Miami, Atlanta, and a few states in between ,everything from Homecomings, to All Star Games to wining and dining with celebrities, your girl has been the Club Queen! I also will admit to loving every minute of it. Yep, that’s right- I loved nothing more than getting all done up and heading out to a night out on the town with my girls where we literally danced the night away! Now me and my girls, we are the Dancers. We don’t go to parties to stand around and look “cute” or act shy, if the music is playing , please believe we are Wobbling, Backing it Up, Two Stepping, and Pop Lock and Dropping It! All in the name of fun! We go out to have a good time, not to meet men .

 Now that my Roaring Twenties are coming to a rapid close I must admit that I am becoming the person with whom I never identified, yes the person who does not HAVE to be in the club every weekend like it’s a second job! LOL. My mother told me it would slow down in my late 20’s and she was right! Nowadays, the effort required to get dressed, race to DC, and then come home at some Godforsaken hour to do it all again the next night, just does not appeal to me as much. Afterall, the scene now is drastically different, a lot of the “hot spots” in DC that we went to are no longer open or the crowd is just far too young, or in some cases too old. I find myself still enjoying the scene on a special occasion like a birthday, or of course if someone has a table, but to go “out”  just to go ..wellll it’s not that serious for me anymore. I would much rather be home relaxing or doing something equally fun but chill, or even not so chill, be with a boo thang, or just reading a good book, especially in these winter months!  I’m even at the point where I prefer to party with a Significant Other than without. Now this of course is if he likes to dance , if he doesn’t , no point in torturing him on a dance floor. I’ve actually only seriously dated one guy who loved to dance as much as me and was actually a great dancer. We had this crazy magnetic chemistry on the dance floor and would be in our own little world. We didn’t club together often, but when we did it was great.

 I always admired those older couples that still go out dancing with each other every week. If anyone used to be a chronic frequenter of Club Love in Washington, DC or The Park,then they would have noticed this older couple who would literally be in the club every weekend with us young folk. I remember thinking what the hell are they doing in here, they seem so out of place, but when someone asked them they said all of their kids were grown and they both just loved to dance with each other and used to go out and dance the night away "back in the day". I said well if that’s what makes them happy and how they keep their bond tight, who am I to judge?? With that being said I looked back over my clubbing experience and realized my best clubbing days have been done mainly with my girls because either a.) I was single or B.)My guy didn't like to dance and couldn't dance even if he tried or, C.) My guy preferred to go to the club weekly with his boys without me. 

 

 My question is- At what point do you party with your Significant Other or do clubs and boyfriends/girlfriends and boo thangs NOT  mix?  

Share your stories!





 

YOU'VE BEEN GRAYED!!

I remember when I met HIM! It wasn’t planned or anything like that, kind of sort of just happened. We began dating casually enough and it felt exhilarating, fun, exciting, and care-free! In fact I was glad it was light because I had recently ended a relationship and didn’t want the emotional responsibility of another serious relationship so soon. I’m not sure of the exact moment, date, or time, when my feelings for HIM began to change. I was starting to get excited in anticipation of seeing him, and would be disappointed if our schedules did not permit us to see one another. I just had so much fun in his presence and was just happy and didn’t have to worry or focus on the other issues going on in my  life. He didn’t bring up the possibility of more and neither did I, even though my feelings were getting more intense  as time wore on, and this was new to me because I was not one to fall HARD for ANY man AT ALL.  .

One day after HIM and I had been dating for several months, one of my girls asked what we were. You know , what are you guys doing? Are you "going together or not? "Well, I mean I guess I don’t know," I replied. Technically we spent a lot of time together, but it was also pretty clear we were not in an exclusive situation. I knew my feelings for this guy were very INTENSE, but I also was seeing signs that maybe he was not ready for a relationship, so why force it right? I have never been one to be  unsure as to where I stood with a guy, so how was this whole “ What are we ?" conversation  supposed to take place? I remember casually mentioning to him the possibility of an exclusive relationship while hearing my mother’s words echoed in the back of my head, “ When it’s right you just KNOW” . I pined for him and wanted him to commit willingly and not due to some crazy ultimatum on my part.

Looking back on that scenario I realized I had been GRAYED. Yes, GRAYED!! Grayed essentially describes when someone puts you in THE GRAY ZONE. You act like a couple/feel like a couple, but they have not officially claimed you nor you them. The Gray Zone is synonymous to torture if you don’t distance yourself. I say this because you will always feel something in the back of your head knawing at you, prompting you to want more, and also prompting you to leave because the “Relationship “ has now become unbalanced. I’m not speaking of the “ get to know you “ phase where you are evaluating each other as potential suitors, I’m speaking of the “ You know that you like and want to be exclusive with this person” phase and wonder if he wants the same thing. You want something the other person doesn’t or is not ready to give. The Gray Zone can cause you to act crazy and become very raw emotionally. I find many many women in this zone time and time again. Men can be put in the gray zone as well, and quite a few have been there, BUT men just seem to be better at moving out of it faster. However, myself and many women I know have wallowed in this zone for months and sometimes years, hoping, wishing and praying this man will choose us! For all of those who have been GRAYED a time or two in their life, I say Learn the Lesson and Move on. 

At some point you are worth more than someone’s GRAY Zone, and after you have decided you can’t leave fate in THEIR hands any longer while they “decide if they are ready ” , you pack up your bags and leave.  Maybe, just maybe, you will meet someone who will fall for you at the same time that you fall for them. 

Have any of you ever been in the "GRAY ZONE"? What did it feel like and what did you do?   

WHEN IS TOO SOON TO ALLOW A WOMAN TO PAY FOR A DATE????

Dear Diary,

I met Alana at an Election Night Watch Party and we seemed to hit it off pretty quickly. She was cute and funny and seemed intelligent. We exchanged numbers and quickly arranged a date the following weekend.  That Saturday we met at Clyde’s downtown DC and had a really good time. She was pleasant and the conversation flowed.  After our great evening, we arranged for a second date. She wanted to see a movie at the IMAX Theater in Columbia, MD which I agreed to. When we arrived at the theater we both realized that we had the wrong movie time and were two hours early. I purchased the tickets and told her we could find something else to do while we waited for the movie. She said since I was nice enough to buy the tickets she would treat me to dinner before the movie. I said okay and we grabbed a bite to eat. After we ate we went inside the theater. While in the theater, she grabbed my hand to hold it and started to kind of rub my arm. I was thinking, Okay I guess she feelin me and went along with it. When we left the theater she offered to drive me to her car and I thanked her and hopped in with her. When she pulled up to my car I leaned in to give her a kiss good-night since she was feeling me in the movie and we had chemistry. All we did was kiss, and I got out of the car and said good-bye.

The following day was Thanksgiving and Alana was leaving town but she said she would keep in touch over the break which she did. Upon her return, I sent her a text asking when she would be available to hang again and she did not respond. I thought that was weird since she responded any other time and sent her a few more texts with no response until finally she wrote back, “I am not interested in seeing you anymore.” Confused I responded, “Huh what are you talking about? “to which she replied, “ You allowed me to pay for dinner on our second date which was rude in my opinion and then you kissed me in the car after,” .  After a few more back and forth texts I concluded that this chick was crazy and deleted her out of my phone.

 

Question: Was I wrong for allowing her to pay for our meal SINCE SHE OFFERED on our second date????? Also, when is too soon to kiss someone?

CHIVALRY ISN'T DEAD.. IT JUST WENT TO THE SAME PLACE BEING LADYLIKE WENT!

Recently I’ve been seeing the phrase , “ Chivalry isn’t dead- it just went to the same place being ladylike went”. After I saw this statement  the first time I said, Hmm yea yea that sounds right – where are all of the"Ladies"? Do women even know how to be "Ladies" anymore or know how a lady is "supposed" to act? Seems like society has been glorifying the “ratchet” and the “fake” for so long, some of us woudn’t know a lady if she smacked us in the face! However, after pondering the quote some more I thought, “ Why does a woman have to “act” a certain way for a man to just treat her with the basic respect any human being deserves?” What happened to a man just honoring her “womanhood” without knowing anything about her at all? What happened to the men who just were taught to have manners and be chivalrous in the company of all women no matter what she looked like or acted like. It seems as though society is doing a pretty good job of emasculating men.

Emasculating in the sense of a man’s actions are contingent on what a woman is doing or not doing. Why don’t you just do what is right regardless? Even if a woman has not discovered her self- worth and is engaging in less than lady like behavior, is it really necessary to further debase her just because she “allows” it?  That logic is like saying it’s okay to abuse animals or children because they allow us to. NO, it’s not okay. At some point men need to get a moral code and just stick to it no matter what – the same way they stick to the G code, the Guy Code and whatever else. Women are deserving of respect, not because they act or look a certain way, but because we are the Givers of Life , therefore, take our GIFT seriously and treat us as such.

Link to Dating Diaries on TalkofDC.com!

http://talkofdc.com/dating-vixen.html